


i said i'd never miss you (but i guess you never know)

by problematiclesbian



Category: Mean Girls - Richmond/Benjamin/Fey
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, D slur, F/F, Post-Canon, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-09-25 16:41:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 33,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17124980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/problematiclesbian/pseuds/problematiclesbian
Summary: Janis stops pacing to glare at Damian. “What?”“Janis, you know I love you and you’re my soulmate and you’ll be the best man at my wedding and godmother to my many children, but…” Damian adds a flourish of paint to the backdrop and then turns to face her. “But in the past you haven’t exactly been… rational when it comes to Regina George.”Janis narrows her eyes. “And your point is?”“Half the time you look at Regina like you're going to kill her and the other half you look like you’re going to jump her right there in the middle of lunch.”





	1. Part I

**Author's Note:**

> okay so do i think the way regina treated janis was fucked up? of course. but, because i, myself, fuck up constantly, i have to believe that everything in life is fixable in order to keep living SO….  
> i have to believe myself that regina could eventually earn janis’s forgiveness, if she really tried AND keep in mind they used to be best friends…. i personally would be more inclined to forgive someone i used to love…  
> anyway it’s called projecting onto a character and my point is if you think regina/janis is a fucked up ship, that’s fine and i’m not invalidating you, but just don’t read this!  
> okay goodnight i can’t believe i’m writing mean girls fic in the year of 2019 happy fuckin new year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So the summer goes like this:

_All I’ve ever known of desire is possession. When he asks me_  
_to name my enemy, it’s always after_

_someone I used to love. What’s the difference?_

* * *

 After the way this school year has been going, Janis almost isn’t even surprised when she gets home after Spring Fling and finds Regina George waiting on her front porch steps.

“Hanging out at Janis Sarkisian’s house? Careful, Regina, or people will think you’re a dyke too.” Her words come out steady and cold, but Janis hangs back, waiting to approach. Cady told her about Regina’s apology, but Janis isn’t quite so forgiving.

Regina straightens up when she hears Janis’s voice and the winces, as if she’s forgotten about the brace.

“Hi Janis.” Regina’s voice is lacking her usual command, Janis notes. Must be the pain meds.

“What do you want, Regina?” Janis shoves her hands in her jacket pockets.

“What do you think?” Regina snaps. Then she closes her eyes briefly, before opening them and refocusing on Janis. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to use that tone.”

Janis snorts. “It’s not like it’s the first time.”

Regina sighs. “I’m here to apologize, Janis.”

“Yeah, you sound really sorry.”

“Obviously, I’m not that great at this.” Regina tries to stand up and tilts precariously. Janis darts forward, grasping at Regina’s forearm to keep her upright.

“Thanks.” Regina mutters.

Janis lets go and sighs. “Alright, come on.” She pulls out her keys to unlock the door and ushers Regina into her house. Regina follows her inside and stands awkwardly in the hallway while Janis turns on the lights. “You can sit.”

Regina drops gingerly onto the couch. Janis kicks off her shoes. “Okay.” She settles in the chair across from the blonde. “I’m ready. Go ahead and apologize.”

Regina glares at her, but Janis just gives her a nasty grin, folding her hands in her lap.

Regina sighs and acquiesces. “I’ve had some time to think, since the accident. And I’m here to say I’m sorry for everything I did. What I did was cruel and wrong and you didn’t deserve it. I know there’s nothing I can do to fix it, but I want you to know I’m really, genuinely, sorry.”

Janis snickers. “Did you memorize that?”

“God, do you have to be such a-”

“Okay, okay!” Janis holds up her hands apologetically. “Sorry, just screwing with you. I was… an asshole too. I mean, you ruined my life but…” She shrugs. “I kinda ruined yours too. So we can call it even.”

Regina eyes her skeptically. “Really?”

“Fuck no. I know it’s been years, but I can’t just like… get over it. But Cady wants us all to hang out so. Might as well make nice.” Janis props her feet up on the coffee table.

The truth is, when Janis heard about the accident, she hadn’t felt satisfaction, or relief, or anything. She’d just felt fear. No matter how much she said she hated Regina, she still cared.

But she’s not going to admit that to Regina now, even if Regina is here to grovel for forgiveness.

And maybe it’s because of the pain meds, but Regina actually looks hurt by Janis’s words. She gives an awkward half nod, impeded by her head brace.

“That’s fair. I know you can’t really, like, trust me or anything. But I...” Regina looks up towards the ceiling, like she’s blinking back tears. “I do miss you, Janis.” The last part comes out as a whisper, like she doesn’t really mean to admit it. “And I swear, I’m done being a bitch. I tried it and,” she gives a little laugh, “it didn’t work out. Obviously.” She attempts flips her hair, then grimaces. “Anyway, if you want me to stay away from you guys, I will.”

Janis looks her over carefully. “Nah. Hang out with who you want, Regina, it’s not a big deal. If Cady wants us all to sit together, that’s fine.” Regina is still blinking a lot like she’s trying not to cry, so Janis continues, “but I’m not gonna start wearing pink.”

Regina chuckles half heartedly. “I guess I’ll allow it.”

It could be stupid, but reaching a peace with Regina brings Janis a sudden feeling of relief. But she doesn’t know how to express that, and she’s reached her capacity for discussing feelings today, so she just laughs. “Come on.” She stands up to help Regina up. “I’ll walk you to your car.”

Janis helps an unsteady Regina out and into her car, making sure she’s okay to drive.

“I’ll see you on Monday?” Regina asks in a small voice. Janis knows she must be uncomfortable with how vulnerable she is with her injury.

“Totally.” Janis gives her an awkward salute. “See ya, George.”

“Janis.” Regina reaches up, grasping her wrists urgently before Janis can walk away, looking into her eyes. “I really am sorry. I’m gonna make it up to you, I swear. I’m sorry.”

Janis is troubled by the sorrow in Regina’s eyes, by the actual depth of feeling behind her words.

“I know, dude.” She impulsively reaches up and tucks a strand of Regina’s hair back behind the brace. “It’ll be okay.”

Regina looks inexplicably happy to hear that. It must be the pain meds.

* * *

Janis facetimes Damian the next morning to tell him all about it. He gasps at all the right moments, his face contorting into wild reactions to each sentence she relays.

“I never thought I’d live to see the day!” He says, one hand clasped to his chest in shock. “That bus must have knocked a conscience into her!”

“Or knocked the evil out of her.” Janis says wryly. She pauses. “Do you think it’s a mistake? To forgive her?”

“Well, do you really think you can forgive her?” Damian asks gently. He, more than anyone, knows how bad school was for Janis after Regina’s betrayal.

Janis shrugs. “Hating her only made things worse for me, obviously. And I did get her ass plastered all over social media, and broke up her relationship, and made her lose all her friends.”

“Well, that was a group effort. And it’s not as bad as what she did to you.” Damian points out with a frown.

“I know, I know.” Janis runs a hand through her hair. “I don’t know… I hated her, but.. I mean, there’s nothing she can do to me now, right?”

Damian seems torn. “I just don’t want you to get hurt.” The _again_ goes unsaid.

* * *

The last two months of school after Spring Fling are shockingly different from the rest of the year. Cady’s performance at the dance seems to have caused a wave of change through the school. Or maybe everyone got their anger out through literal fist fighting in the halls.

It’s not like everyone is suddenly best friends or anything, but the dismantling of the Plastics means there’s no one to lead the rest of the students, so everyone has dissolved into their own groups, leaving everyone else to their own people.

Cady is ecstatic to have her own lunch table now, and Janis doesn’t have the heart to disappoint her, so she really does try her best to be cordial to Regina. Plus, Janis figures if Aaron (who somehow was allowed to stay to finish his senior year) can be polite to Regina after all that drama, then so can she.

She finds that, freed from Regina’s grip of power, Karen and Gretchen are surprisingly normal. Gretchen and Damian strike up a very fast friendship comprised mostly of gossiping about everyone else. Karen continues to surprise them with her wisdom, even if no one can understand what she’s trying to say when she sends 15 different emojis. Aaron and Cady make an extremely hetero but cute couple.  

It’s an odd group, Cady and Aaron and Janis and Damian on one side of the table, and the former Plastics on the other, but somehow it works. Cady keeps up a rotating group of guests to the table anyway, her friends from mathletes, or Aaron’s teammates or Damian’s cast mates joining them on random days.

Occasionally, Janis gets overwhelmed, especially after years of eating alone or just with Damian, so she stays in the art room during lunch. Damian must have said something to Cady though, because Cady doesn’t get upset about it and just hugs Janis extra hard when she meets up with them after school.

Regina herself, since her accident, is very subdued, and makes a noticeable effort to be nice, even if her “nice” is meaner than most people’s. She still dresses in power heels and wears fancier clothes to school than Janis would wear to a formal event, but she doesn’t stalk the halls or snaps at anyone who looks at her wrong. She even compliments Gretchen on her outfits (with prompting from Cady, at first), and no longer insults Karen, who is the most accepting of Regina’s quest for redemption.

Following the advice from Regina’s new therapist (and it’s a sign of her commitment to this change that she even tells them about the therapist at all), the whole group helps compile a list of everyone Regina needs to apologize to, and Regina works at it with the single minded ferociousness that she used to use to ruin peoples’ lives. Not everyone forgives her, of course, but the effort helps to lessen some of the now ever present tension in the blonde’s shoulders. She doesn’t suddenly become a saint, or start partying with the Mathletes, but the Regina that eats lunch with them and waves in the hallways is no longer head of the Plastics or the Apex Predator of Northshore. She’s just Regina George.

Sometimes, post accident Regina even reminds Janis a little of the Regina George who used to be her best friend. But Janis is definitely not going to admit that. They coexist now, two people in the same collection of friends, but not friends themselves, and Janis is fine with that. Really.

And if this new Regina makes Janis ache with the familiarity of what used to be? Well. She’s not going to do anything about it.

* * *

“What was that?”

Regina slams her locker shut at the sound of Janis’s voice. “Janis. What are you doing here so early?”

“I was finishing something in the art room. What was that?” Janis repeats.

“What was what?”

“That photograph.”

Regina crosses her arms. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Open your locker then.”

Regina shifts so she’s blocking the front of the locker. “No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“George.”

“Sarkisian.”  

“Just open it.”

Regina heaves a sigh and spins the lock reluctantly. “You’re so dramatic, god.”

Janis reaches past the blonde and plucks a photo off the wall of Regina’s locker.

It’s an old photograph of ten year old Janis and Regina clutching each other and laughing, both covered head to toe in mud.

“This is from when you guys first got Princess..” Janis traces the edge of the photo with one finger, mumbling to herself.

“I know what it is.” Regina replies sharply. “Are we done now?”

“You still have this?” Janis looks up at Regina sceptically. “That’s gay, dude.”

“You’re gay!” Regina snaps back.

“Yeah, I know, you already told everyone.”

Regina clenches her hands into fists and starts to apologize, and Janis decides to take pity on her. “Chill. I’m screwing with you. Just a joke. But seriously, why do you have this?”

“My mother brought it while I was in the hospital.” Regina grinds out. “Didn’t know what else to do with it. It’s whatever.”

“So you put it in your locker?”

“I guess so! Is that a crime?!” Regina snatches the photo back and carefully pins it back in its spot among the other photos.

“I guess not.” Janis holds up her hands in mock defense, grinning, actually enjoying messing with Regina. “It’s actually kind of… sweet? I mean, for you, anyway.”

Regina’s glare just intensifies. “You’re insufferable.”

“That doesn’t sound like something someone who keeps a photo of me in their locker would say!” Janis smiles as wide as she can.

“Ugh!” Regina slams her locker shut again. “I’m going to class. Don’t tell anyone about this. Also, I hate you.” She adds bluntly, before stalking down the hallway.

“Not anymore, remember?!” Janis calls after her, laughing to herself.

 

Of course, by second period Gretchen has heard about the entire conversation and is relaying it by paragraphs of text to Cady, who is then whisper-reading it to Aaron.

“I knew, they’d be friends again, I knew it!” Cady tosses her hands up in little victory fist pumps.

Aaron runs his hand through his hair. “Babe, this is Regina and Janis we’re talking about. I wouldn’t get too excited. Also it sounds like Regina was just pissed off.”

“That’s just how Regina gets when she has to admit she cares about people.” Cady opens her message with Damian to tell him the news. “This is real progress! And last week, remember when they smiled at each other when we saw Kevin run into that trash can?!”

Aaron opens his mouth to reply when Mrs. Norbury gives then both a look and they have to go back to paying attention to the class.

* * *

So the group struggles their way through finals (everyone says say Junior year is the hardest year), bonded together by a mutual fight to make it to the end of the year. All six of them take turns working with Karen so she can pass Algebra and Janis writes Damian’s English 3 final essay while he completes her chemistry project. No one sees Regina so much as open a textbook, but somehow she passes all of her classes, though Aaron swears she didn’t even show up for their Spanish final. But she does bring coffee for their all night study cramming session, so nobody is too mad. Cady spends 30 seconds trying to convince Damian and Gretchen to take Calculus next year but gives up after seeing the look on their faces.

As the bell rings after their last final, the seven students stumble out of the building and into Gretchen’s car.

“I never want to see another math problem for as long as I live.” Janis groans, leaning against Damian, who pats her head sympathetically.  

“It’s summer!” Gretchen states excitedly. “No school for three months! We’re free!”

Karen turns on the radio and they peel out of the student parking lot and into summer.

* * *

They have a sleepover at Cady’s that night (where they have to sneak Damian in after the Heron’s fall asleep), and it’s surprisingly enjoyable. Karen crushes them all at Just Dance AND karaoke and Damian and Gretchen try to give Cady a lesson on blow job techniques that has Janis crying with laughter by the time they give up. Without the pressure of the whole school watching, Regina is less stiff and subdued, actually joining in on the conversations and helping Karen do Cady’s make up. Damian tells them about the boy he’d met online (who Janis has already background checked, thank you very much), and they all try to talk Gretchen out of a second date with a sophomore from her chem class.

It’s still weird for Janis, to sit surrounded by people and know they’re there because they actually want to be there. Weirder still, that one of those people is Regina George. Again.

Around midnight, after a grueling week of finals, everyone starts falling asleep.

Still awake, Janis ambles her way down to the kitchen to get some water.

“Jesus Christ!” Janis drops her glass, catching it at the last second, startled when Regina appears in the doorway. “What the hell are you doing?”

“My neck was bothering me.” Regina holds up the pill bottle clenched in one hand. “Needed some water to take them. Is that a problem?”

“No, of course not.” Janis mumbles as she moves to the kitchen table so Regina can get to the sink.

“Why’re you sitting here brooding at 1am?” Regina asks as she fills a mug.

“I’m not brooding,” Janis mutters broodingly. “I just couldn’t sleep.”

“Right.” Regina agrees sarcastically. They lapse into silence.

Janis almost jumps again when Regina pulls out the chair across from her and sits down at the table.  

“So why can’t you sleep?”

“Why do you care?” Janis shoots back.

“Wow, your conversation skills are incredible.” Regina drawls as she swallows her pills. “It’s called being polite, you should try it sometime.”

Janis sighs, which she feels like she does a lot around Regina these days. “I don’t know, I like to stay up late.” She says in response to her question.

They lapse back into silence, but now Janis feels bad for shutting Regina down, so she tries again.

“Did you really not show up to your spanish final? I thought Ms. Garcia never gave anyone a break.”

Regina laughs a little, a bizarre sound in the darkened kitchen. “I have to go to summer school to finish this year because, you know, I got hit by a bus?”

Janis nods. “Oh, right... Well if you need help with English or anything….”

Regina nods and the conversation drops again.

“God, why is this so awkward?” Janis mutters, dropping her forehead against the cool wood of the table.

“I just assumed you’re this weird with everyone.”

Janis rolls her head to the side so she can give Regina a glare. “I liked you better when you were high on pain meds.”

Regina snorts, an oddly ungraceful move from her. “Charming.”

“A compliment from Regina George?!” Janis fans herself in excitement, her voice pitched high. “Oh gosh, I’m going to faint!”

“Oh, shut up.” Regina holds her mug to her lips to hide her smile.

“No, you!”

“My voice does not sound like that!”

“It kinda does.” Janis informs her as she empties her glass into the sink. Even this tiny conversation with Regina feels off-kilter, and it’s the self preservation instinct in her that directs her to get out of this conversation now. “I’m gonna go try to sleep. You good?”

Regina blinks at the sudden mood change. “Uh, yeah. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” Janis mumbles as she hurries out of the kitchen, not seeing the way Regina’s face falls as she goes.

Janis goes back upstairs, but she still ends up lying there, awake in the dark. After a while, she hears Regina get back into bed, and only then is Janis finally able to fall asleep.

.

.

The whole summer stretches out before them, the last summer before they graduate and have to deal with real life. It would be a perfect summer for Janis, or as close to perfect as possible, except for one glaring outlier: Regina. They don’t fight anymore, not really, but there’s an obvious tension. Janis can see everyone else in the group watching their every interaction as if waiting for an inevitable explosion, and that just makes her more determined to keep her cool.

“It’s ridiculous! Isn’t it ridiculous?” Janis complains as she paces around Northshore’s tiny theater while Damian paints a set for the summer production of Grease. “I mean, did our actions cause the whole junior class to literally break into fist fighting in the halls? Sure! Did we despise each other for three years? Of course. Did I sing several songs about wanting to cut her in half?! Perhaps! But that was then! This is now! We’ve changed!”  

“Mhm hmm.”

Janis stops pacing to glare at Damian. “What?”

“Janis, you know I love you and you’re my soulmate and you’ll be the best man at my wedding and godmother to my many children, but…” Damian adds a flourish of paint to the backdrop and then turns to face her. “But in the past you haven’t exactly been… rational when it comes to Regina George.”

Janis narrows her eyes. “And your point is?”

“Half the time you look at Regina like you're going to kill her and the other half you look like you’re going to jump her right there in the middle of lunch.”

Janis chokes on air. ”I do not-“

“Ah!” Damian cuts her off. “Honey, we know each other too well to lie to each other, and I haven't brought it up and maybe no one else notices so we don’t have to talk about it because I know you don’t want to, but my POINT is everyone is rightfully worried about putting the two of you in a room together.”

Janis opens and shuts her mouth several times while she processes that. Finally she just hisses, “Just tell Cady it’s fine to invite us both, okay? The drama is done! Everyone needs to chill.” and sits down next to Damian to finish painting the set.

* * *

Two weeks after summer begins, Regina opens her front door to find Janis waiting impatiently on the other side.

“Hello?”

Janis looks up and glares, as if Regina is the one who’s just showed up out of the blue on her doorstep. “Hey. Let’s go.”

Regina props one hand on her hip. “Excuse me?”

“If I have to endure another movie night of Damian watching the two of us nervously and Cady texting me under the table to ask “how things are going” between me and you, and Gretchen trying to run interference so that neither of us have to sit next to each other, I’m going to fucking snap. So, let’s go. We go to the mall, take some selfies, and then everyone will calm down.”

“What makes you think I don’t already have plans?”

Janis snorts. “Please. I checked with Gretchen before I came over. I’m not an amateur.”

Regina takes a moment to think about this, then steps back so Janis can come inside. “I have to fix my hair. Give me ten minutes.”

“Your hair always looks perfect and you know that.” Janis grumbles, but she throws herself down onto the couch in the living room to wait.

Thirty minutes later, they’re in Regina’s car, after Janis loses an intense game of rock paper scissors to decide who drives.

Regina glances over at Janis, who is fiddling with the radio to find songs that Regina hates. “Why are we going to the mall? You hate the mall.”

Janis shrugs. “I dunno. Wasn’t sure what else you’d want to do.”

There’s a tension in the car, not an awkwardness, not exactly, but an uneasiness. As if both of them are afraid to say anything to upset the other.

Regina rolls her eyes and flicks on her car blinker, turning the wheel to a sharp left so that Janis sways over and hits the door. She smirks when Janis glares.

“If you’re taking me somewhere deserted to murder me,” Janis warns, “Damian will reveal the evidence at my funeral and lead a public mob to your house for the arrest.”

Regina pauses at a stoplight to lower her sunglasses so she can give Janis a look. “I’m not going to murder you, dumbass. I’d be the police’s first suspect. If I wanted to kill you, I’d hire someone else to do it. Obviously.”

“Thanks. I feel much better.” Janis says dryly, but she hunches down in her seat and looks out her window to hide a smile.

Though her reasoning to Regina for inviting her out was true, Janis also hopes to stop feeling so tense around her. It's an uncomfortable sensation, adjusting the blending of the old Regina that was her best friend, the Plastic Regina, and this new Regina who actually might be an okay person. 

She’s lost in her thoughts until she feels the car stop, and she looks up abruptly.

“Mini golf?” Janis narrows her eyes at the blonde, who’s standing smugly next to the car.

“What’s the matter? Afraid I’ll beat you?”

“I’m not going to lose to someone who was in a back brace until three weeks ago.” Janis decided a while ago she wasn’t going to try to be gentle with Regina.

“Prove it.” Regina says with a toss of her hair as she leads them in.

.

.

“Say sqwills!” The phone flashes as Janis takes a selfie of herself giving a thumbs up to the camera, Regina pouting in the background of the shot.

Janis laughs to herself as she sends the photo in their group message, with the caption of “Guess who just beat Regina George at mini golf?!”

“I can’t believe you’re bragging about beating someone who was just hit by a bus.” Regina huffs as they get in line for food.

“As if you weren’t trying to knock me down with your club every chance you had.”

“I was trying to even the playing field.” Regina says disdainfully as she slides her credit card to the cashier before Janis can open her wallet, but apparently not without Janis noticing.

“Why are you paying? I’m the one who made you come with me.”

Regina waves dismissively. “You can pay next time.”

Janis raises her eyebrows at “next time” but doesn’t respond, just taking the fries from the boy behind the counter and wandering off to find a seat.

They make small talk as they eat and laugh at their friends’ reaction to Janis’ photo until-

“Janis.” Regina says as she puts down her fork, because of course Regina George eats fries with a fork. “What are we doing?”

Janis pauses with a fry halfway to her mouth, startled. “Uhh.. eating fries?”

Regina huffs. “I mean, like, do you hate me? It’s fine to tell Cady we’re friends and shit, but like.. I already ruined your whole life and outed you and you literally had to leave school for therapy so… I just feel like you should tell me to fuck off, or whatever.” She punctuates this statement with a flip of her hair, which Janis can tell is a nervous tick.

“Are you saying you want me to tell you to fuck off?” Janis asks wryly.

“Obviously not. But like… I still feel bad. I don’t want to make your life any worse. I mean, I know I’m a bitch, but I’m, like, trying, you know? But apparently,” Regina gestures to their phones and the many shocked messages that have followed Janis’s photo, “everyone seems to think we’re lifelong enemies or some shit. And like, I can _see_ the looks Damian gives me. They’re all waiting for me to fuck things up again.” Regina has that look in her eyes again, the same sorrow Janis remembers from the night after Spring Fling.

Janis opens her mouth to respond, but Regina holds up one perfectly manicured hand: “And _don’t_ just tell me everything’s fine. I can tell when you’re lying.”

Janis forcibly moves Regina’s hand out of her face with a sigh. “Did you not listen to _any_ of my inspirational song after the whole burn book thing? If I didn’t want you around, I’d tell you, okay? We’ve apologized and we’re working on it and like…. things are okay.” God, they’re both terrible at talking about feelings, but Janis shoulders on: “I mean, good. Things are good. Better than before. I’m glad we’re not enemies anymore.”

That’s about as nice as Janis is capable of being to anyone, but Regina still won’t look at her, so she tacks on: “I think you’re doing well. I definitely don’t hate your guts anymore.”

“Gee.” Regina says with a roll of her eyes, though Janis can tell she’s making an effort not to smile. “You’re too kind. Tell me more about how much you don’t despise me.”

“I already said it once, don’t be thirsty.” Janis imitates in her best Regina George voice, which makes Regina cackle with laughter.

When they both calm down, Regina looks guiltily at their phones, which are both still lighting up with messages. “I‘m just tired of being the bad guy.” She says quietly. “I don’t know what else I can do to fix it.”

Janis _knows_ she doesn’t need to comfort Regina. Hell, Regina probably deserves to keep feeling guilty. But she can’t stand to just sit there while Regina is upset. She tosses one more fry into her mouth and then stands up, offering her hand to Regina, who looks at it likes it’s personally offended her.

“Come on,” Janis says in explanation. “I’ve gotta beat you in air hockey so I can brag about that, too.”

* * *

So the summer goes like this: parties at Karen’s house and movie nights at Cady’s, their whole group squished into the front row at Damian’s opening night, where Janis throws roses onto the stage during his bow and Cady cheers louder than any of the parents, then doing it all over again at Karen’s dance performance until security asks them to leave and Janis almost gets into a fight with the guard so Damian just picks her up and they bolt, a ludicrously complicated scheduling system for who has to deal with Regina in a bad mood after her physical therapy appointments, Janis and Damian attending the Mathletes summer competition and Damian repeatedly pinching Janis’s leg to keep her awake, everyone voicing their opinions on Damian’s string of terrible dates and the former Plastics choosing his outfit before every single one, a heat wave in July that they all spend laying directly underneath the Wieners’ huge air conditioning and sweating into the carpet, Karen, Gretchen, Regina, Damian, and Janis all commiserating over the horror of catching Cady and Aaron making out during parties, a three day road trip to the George’s summer home by the beach with Mrs. George chaperoning where they all get wine drunk and play ten rounds of truth or dare that only ends when Aaron trips in the middle of a lightsaber battle with Karen and breaks a window, marathon watching all the Star Wars and all the Harry Potter’s which evolves into a huge debate on which house they’d each be in, Janis’s mom hosting a barbecue for “all of my daughter’s new friends” that only lasts an hour before Mrs. Sarkisian brings out Janis’s baby photos and Janis kicks everyone out of her house, all seven of them piling into Gretchen’s dad’s van to drive Aaron to move in day at Northwestern U and then the rest of them waiting awkwardly outside while Cady ‘says goodbye’ to her boyfriend for twenty minutes, daily trips to the convenience store for ice cream and obscene amounts of Chinese delivery and evenings spent laughing on the grass and inside jokes and group texts and that feeling of endless joy that is a summer with your friends.

And throughout it all, like two planets orbiting each other, are Janis and Regina. It’s a gradual shift, a slow process as they reforge their friendship while the rest of the group watches, half fearful, half hopeful. The two girls themselves run parallel, always next to each other, but never touching. No longer do they avoid being left alone in the room together, or refuse to respond to each other in the group chat, but it’s clear to everyone else that both girls are holding back, Regina out of fear of hurting Janis again and Janis out of a need to protect herself from getting attached again.

Occasionally, though, they’ll sit next to each other at movie night, or Regina will bring Janis coffee when they all meet up, or they’ll share a look across the table when Cady says something especially nerdy, and the rest of them can believe, even for just that moment, that everything might work out after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> beginning quote is from a poem called "…Erm, What Is His Name Again?" by Leila Chatti  
> Please! let me know if you liked this so I know if I should keep posting or not... The rest of the fic will be much more regina/janis romance focused, but I feel like a redemption chapter is necessary....... ladies we love absolving fictional characters of their sins instead of working on our own.........


	2. Part II:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh, if Junior Year Janis could see her now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, ladies, you just don’t have any friends in real life and so your works of fiction feature many unnecessary scenes of a group of friends just having a damn good time because you’re living vicariously through them and so………. Yeah.  
> Anyway, Ashley (me) said fuck narrative structure and fuck timeline lives here ya go

_Everything tastes like love. That’s what makes me nervous._

_That and I wish I knew what I will act like later today._

_I watch myself being kind sometimes and I think,_

_is there nothing you won’t fake?_

* * *

 

“It’s our last year of high school!” Damian sings, throwing his hands in air.

Janis gives him one half hearted fist pump, her eyes still closed. “Woo. Hoo. Why does that mean you’re in my bed at 6am?”

Damian scoffs like the answer is obvious. “We’re _Seniors_ , Janis! This is our last chance to make an impression!! I have to pick out your outfit.”

Janis groans and rolls back under the covers. “Karen already left me like, six new vests to try.” Her voice comes out muffled from under the blanket. “What if I just like… don’t go today?”

“Nope!” Damian ceremoniously pulls the comforter off the bed, making Janis hiss as the sunlight reaches her. “The sun is shining, we have actual friends this year, and Gretchen said she’ll drive us if we’re ready by 7, so let’s go!” He claps his hands together.

Janis stuffs her head under a pillow. “Maybe I don’t want more friends, if they’re all going to be as annoying as you.”

“Please, you love me.”

“I’d love you more if you’d go make me some coffee.”

Damian hops up from the bed. “Fine! but we’re leaving in thirty minutes! Seniors! Seniors! Seniors!” He disappears down the hall, chanting as he goes.

Janis lifts her head with a sigh. It’s gonna be a long year.

*

*

“It’s _Senior Year_ , Janis!” Cady spins in a little circle. “Why aren’t you more excited?!”

“Why does everyone keep telling me that?” Janis complains, “I know what year it is. We’re seniors, I got it!”

“My grandma is a senior too.” Karen joins them at their new (SENIOR! Damian had informed her) lunch table. “And she’s awesome, so..”

Before Janis can think of a suitable reply to that, Gretchen and Damian appear.

“The new physics teacher has seriously lost it.” Gretchen announces as she sets down her lunch tray. As Gretchen describes in detail the problems with the physics teacher’s haircut, Regina walks into the cafeteria.

On one hand, it’s weird to see the crowds _not_ part, weird to see Regina George enters a room and everyone react like it’s anyone else, which is to say, not react at all.

On the other hand, what’s even weirder is that Janis’s instinctual reaction to catching Regina’s eye across the room is to _smile_.

She quashes that instinct, of course, instead just raising one eyebrow in amusement and tilting her head towards their table.  

Regina tosses her a look that clearly says “Don’t rush me, I’ll get there when I get there.”

Janis smirks and refocuses on the table, where Gretchen is still talking but Damian is giving her a pointed look.

Having long ago perfected the art of silent communication between them, Janis glares back to ask: “Do you have something to say?” to which Damian looks away demurely to say, “No, nothing, nothing at all…..”

Janis rolls her eyes and returns to listening to the conversation, which has shifted to whether or not being forced to take gym as a senior should be considered cruel and unusual punishment.

When Regina sits down next to Karen, everyone compares their schedules. Damian and Janis have their free period together, just like they always do, because, Janis suspects, Damian spends a lot of time charming Principal Duvall’s secretary. Cady’s in a special math class that the rest of them have never even heard of, but she has second period French with Damian and Janis again, and U.S. Government with Gretchen and Regina. Gretchen and Janis have pre-calculus together and Regina and Gretchen have Econ. Karen is in different classes than most of them, but she and Damian will have to suffer through P.E. together, and Karen picked art as her elective so Janis will have that class with her. When Regina and Janis discover they have AP English together, everyone exchanges looks, which Janis assumes is because no one thought Regina would take AP classes.

She’s not surprised, though, because she knows Regina used to be a nerd. She says as much, and Regina just sticks her tongue out at her, which for some reason makes Cady grin like an idiot.

For the second half of lunch, Karen and Cady fuss over Regina. She’s planning to try out for the lacrosse team, and though her doctor and physical therapist cleared her, the group still has their concerns. Inwardly, Janis is worried too. She knows Regina, or she used to, anyway, and the Regina she knows doesn’t give up, even if she’s in pain. But she’s not going to _say_ anything. It’s really none of her business.

When the bell rings, Damian pats her on the back and tells her “good luck”. She’s momentarily confused until she sees Regina standing behind him and realizes somehow it’s been decided they’re walking to English _together_.

Oh, if Junior Year Janis could see her now.

 

* * *

 

So Senior Year, despite Damian’s prophesying, starts off relatively calm. Gretchen is thoroughly convinced her physics teacher is out to get her, and Karen is somehow taking three periods of gym, but otherwise, their last year of high school appears to be normal.

Except, of course, that Regina George and Janis Sarkisian are friends. There is, in Janis’s opinion, a ridiculous amount of whispering in the hallways when they first walk to class together. Janis is used to it, of course, but Regina’s shoulders get more and more tense as they walk through the hall.

When they get to the classroom, Janis heads for her usual seat in the far back and Regina follows her.

“What’re you doing?” Janis hisses as Regina sits next to her and pulls out a nail file. “This isn’t going to help the whispering.”

“I know.” Regina’s posture is stiff and her eyes are hard as she pretends to file her nails. “But we don’t care about other people’s opinions, right?” She still isn’t really looking at Janis, but she does flip her hair behind her shoulder.

“Regina, I’m used to this shit. But just cause no one bothers us at our lunch table doesn’t mean you need to deliberately put yourself in the line of fire.”

“Please.” Regina files a little more aggressively. “I can handle some whispering and stares. You think no one ever said anything bad about me just because I was a plastic?”

“Oh my goddd.” Janis groans and puts her head down on the desk. “Is this some sort of martyr thing?”

“Janis, can’t I-“

“Regina.” Janis waits until she looks at her. “I’m going to skip past the lecture about how you’ve already apologized and go to the part where I explain to you that other people being assholes now isn’t your fault! You don’t have to sit next to me just to punish yourself or something!”

“Maybe I just wanted to sit with you, did you consider that?!” Regina snaps back.

Janis is shocked silent by that, and then she can’t respond because, “Miss George, Miss Sarkisian, did you have something you wanted to share with the class?” Evidently Ms. Sullivan has noticed them.

“No, ma’am.” They both mutter and turn to face the board, Regina with a slight blush and Janis with both eyebrows raised so high they’re practically off her face.

They sit next to each other in English from then on, no more discussion.

 

So for the most part, it’s normal. It’s not as if anyone suddenly starts “enjoying” high school, but the fall is, at least, calmer than the last, what with the lack of a revenge plot and all.

But like, that doesn’t mean _nothing_ happens.

 

* * *

 

The first time someone runs into Regina in the hall while she’s walking with Janis and makes a comment about dykes, Janis sees red.

She has the dude by the collar before he can blink and pushes him against the lockers.

“Shut the fuck up.” She growls, even though the boy has probably seventy pounds and six inches on her. The jock laughs.

“Defending your girlfriend, Sarkisian?”

“Fuck off, you fucking useless excuse for a human being,” Janis snarls, even as the guy shoves her off of him, slamming her head into the lockers. She goes to throw herself back at him when Regina stops her by grabbing her hand.

“Janis, it’s fine. Let’s go.”

Janis would argue that it’s definitely not fine, especially when everyone knows Regina was hit by a bus not even six months ago, but she turns and sees the look in Regina’s eyes and snaps her mouth shut. She turns back to the asshole and flips him off, and flips off the crowd that’s now gathered, and then Regina pulls Janis away.

In the second floor bathroom, Janis yells in frustration and slams her fist into the closest stall.  

“Oh, fuck. Ow.”

“You idiot.” Regina grabs some paper towels to press against Janis’s now bleeding knuckles. “Knock it off, you’re just hurting yourself. Did he hurt your head?”

“Stupid fucking assholes in this stupid high school in this stupid fucking life…” Janis mumbles as she shakes her head, adrenaline still pumping.

“Janis, it’s my own fault, honestly. You know it is.”

“It’s not _your_ fault people are assholes.” Janis fumes.

Regina clearly disagrees, but doesn’t argue further. “Take your jacket off, dumbass. You’re getting blood on it.”

Janis goes still immediately. “What? No, it’s fine.” She pulls her hand out of Regina’s grip and tugs her jacket closer instead.

Regina frowns. “What’re you talking about? Whatever you’re wearing, it’s fine-“

“It’s not that.” Janis grabs a handful of paper towels and clamps them around her hand. “Let’s just go, okay?”

“Janis, what…” Regina’s face shifts from confusion to concern. “Janis….”

“Shut up, Regina. Let’s go.”

Regina opens her mouth to argue when her phone starts ringing with Gretchen’s chosen ringtone just as Janis’s starts ringing with Damian’s.

Regina and Janis look at each other in despair.

“What are the chances Gretchen hasn’t already heard about this?”

“Almost zero.”

“What are the chances we can get to English and Sullivan doesn’t notice we’re late?”

“Definitely zero.”

They take off running.

*

*

“I think I preferred it when you and Gretchen weren’t friends and you didn’t know any of the gossip.” Janis gets out before Damian yanks her into the art room at the start of their free sixth period.

“Janis Middle Name Redacted Sarkisian! Is it true you got into a fist fight with Danny Fitzgerald defending Regina’s honor?! I go to class for five minutes….”

“What? No.” Janis shrugs off her backpack and heads to the back of the room to get her smock, even as Damian flails. “We were walking to English and he shoved her and said ‘look, the art freak and the cripple, a perfect couple of dykes’.”

“NO!” Damian gasps. “I’ll kill him. I’ll make sure he can’t go to prom! I’ll-”

“Damian, it’s fine.” Janis drops onto her stool and wheels over to her canvas, pulling off the tarp covering her canvas. “I mean, you know I’m used to that shit. And Regina…”

Damian leans across the counter. “Regina….?”

Janis shrugs. “She wasn’t as upset as I thought she’d be. I mean she didn’t freak out and say she didn’t know me, or anything.”

Damian perks up. “Oh, that brings me to the second half of the rumors. Samantha Falco said that she saw you and Regina making out in the bathroom afterwards!”

Janis knocks over a can of paint brushes.

“What?!” She scrambles to collect the brushes off the floor. “What the fuck? No. She like, dragged me to the bathroom so I couldn’t fight Danny. And then I punched a door. That’s all.”

Damian gasps again and reaches for Janis’s hand. It’s stopped bleeding but now is starting to bruise.

“Jesus, girl…”

Janis clambers back on the stool so she doesn’t have to look directly at Damian. “I got blood on my jacket and Regina tried to get me to take it off and I kinda freaked out.”

Damian sucks in a breath. “What did she say?”

“Nothing. I mean. I don’t know what she thought. I just snapped at her. I don’t think it matters either way.” Janis mumbles, staring at the canvas instead of her friend. “She’s probably never gonna associate with me again now that she got called a dyke.”

“Oh honey, that’s not true.” Damian comes behind Janis and wraps her in a hug which she doesn’t return but doesn’t protest either. “We’ve all seen the progress she’s made. And if that’s what happens, then I’ll kick her ass myself, I swear.”

Janis laughs weakly. “I’d pay to see that.”

Sending Janis has exhausted her emotional discussion capacity for the day, Damian launches into a breakdown of all the cute boys in his history class.

Janis feels a wave of gratitude for her best friend.

*

*

Cady is waiting for them when they get out of sixth period.

“Janis!” She cries and throws herself around Janis.

“Oh boy..” Janis pats Cady on the back awkwardly until she stops hugging her.

“Are you okay? What happened?! Regina wouldn’t tell us the details but she seemed really upset in Gov! Gretchen said she heard Danny Fitzgerald and half the football team tried to fight you in the girls bathroom!!”

“Oh my god..” Janis puts her face in her hands. “I hate this school. Everything is fine. Fitzgerald called us dykes and I got mad. I punched a door. I’m fine, though.”

Cady looks thoroughly unconvinced. “Regina said to make sure you got some Advil for your head.”

Janis rolls her eyes as she opens her locker. “I’m fine. Really! If anything you should check on Regina. I’m sure being called a dyke is one of her top fears.”

“She just seemed worried about you! Are you sure-“

“You know, I’d love to talk about this more,” Janis says as she shoves her books into her locker, cutting Cady off, “but Sullivan gave me detention for being late to English, so I gotta go.”

“She gave you and Regina detention?! It was Danny’s fault!”

“No, she just gave _me_ detention. Because-“

Cady and Damian say it with her: “Regina George doesn’t get detention.”

She gives both of her concerned looking friends a lazy salute. “Exactly. I’ll text you guys later. See ya.” And she stomps her way to detention.

*

*

In the back of detention, Janis is asleep, her head smushed on the desk, under the not at all watchful eye of Coach Carr, when a voice wakes her:

“Aren’t you supposed to like, do homework during detainment or something?”

“Gah!” Janis pitches backward in the chair, a piece of notebook paper stuck to her face.

Regina laughs.

Janis crumples up the paper and tosses it at Regina, who swats it aside.

“What the hell are you doing here, George? You don’t get detention.” Janis makes quotation marks with her fingers around the phrase.

“Yeah, well.” Regina tosses her hair back. “I thought I’d come see what all the fuss is about. Frankly, I’m not impressed.”

“One of these days you’re going to make me roll my eyes so hard, they’re going to fall out of my head. And that’s gonna be on you.”

“And you say _I’m_ dramatic.” Regina picks up the crumpled paper and smooths it out on the desk. “Huh. You actually are good at art.”

Janis snatches the drawing back and stuffs it into her backpack. “You've seen my art before. Is this your attempt to compliment me? Because if so, it needs work.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Regina goes to flip her hair again, but she’s already done that so she crosses her hands on the desk instead. “Um, anyway, let’s get out of here.”

“I know you never get detention, but surely even you have to know people can’t just _leave_ detention.”

Regina gives her a look that says “Honestly, Janis.”

“Yes, thank you, Janis.” Is what she says out loud. “I know that. But I talked to Coach Carr and he said you can go.”

“He said I can go.” Janis repeats. “Just like that.”

Regina nods.

“What did you do to him?”

“Janis, you wound me.” Regina presses a hand to her chest. “Must you always think the worse of me? Must you always assume I’ve done something bad?”

“Yes.”

Regina grins a wicked grin. “Well, that’s fair. But I can’t reveal my secrets.” She stands up primly.

“Now let’s go, loser. I don’t do detention.”

Let it be known, Janis follows her, but she rolls her eyes as she goes.

*

*

They go get ice cream.

Well, Janis does. Regina says she’s not hungry, which Janis knows is bullshit.

“Just get something.”

Regina crosses her arms. “No. I’m fine.”

The boy behind the counter looks terrified to be stuck in the middle of this discussion. “Um, if you’re ready, I can…”

“No!” Janis barks. “She’s getting something.” She points at Regina. “Order.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

This goes on for a while, until finally Janis just snaps and shouts: “Regina, you’re the hottest girl at our school and you don’t need to lose any weight because you already look amazing so would you _please_ just order some ice cream!?”

There’s a full ten seconds of silence that follows, where Janis starts to regret ever opening her mouth, and then Regina spins to face the counter and orders a double scoop of mint chocolate chip from the dumbstruck employee.

They take their ice cream and sit in silence.

“I think that’s the first time you’ve complimented me.” Regina ventures eventually.

“Yeah, well. I don’t want you to think I’m hitting on you.” Janis mutters. “I don’t really compliment anyone, I don’t want people to think I’m a ‘predatory’ dyke or something.”

Regina looks shocked, as if she had never considered that, which is fairly ironic, considering. “I wouldn’t think that. I don’t. And if anyone does, tell me and I’ll do to them what I did to Danny Fitzgerald.”

“Oh fuck. What did you do to Danny Fitzgerald?!”

“A lady never tells, Janis.” Regina smirks as she takes a spoonful from her ice cream.

There’s a pause, while Janis feels relieved that Regina isn’t homophobic anymore, at least, and then Regina speaks again:

“Do you really think I don’t need to lose weight?” There’s a rare vulnerability in her voice, an uncertainty that feels out of place coming from the blonde.

Janis blinks, confused. “Uh, yeah? I mean, look at you.” She waves a hand up and down in front of Regina’s body, then realizes what she’s doing and blushes before continuing abruptly. “I mean. Yes. You don’t need to lose three pounds or whatever. Uhh….. You’re good. Really.” She focuses very intently on her ice cream.

Regina smirks again, avoiding the way they’re both blushing. “So you think I’m hot, is what you’re saying.”

“Oh, my, god.”

“Admit it. The hottest girl in school, you said.”

“I said no such thing.”

“You did.”

“Nope.” Janis takes another bite, glancing at Regina out of the corner of her eye as she adds: “Sophia Costello is hotter than you.”

“WHAT!” Regina’s eyes flare. If looks could kill. “Take that back.”

“No.”

“Janis Sarkisian, I am not afraid to physically fight you in this Baskin Robbins right now. Take. It. Back.”

“No way. Didn’t you hear? I fought half the football team this morning! I’m not afraid of you.”

 

The food fight that follows gets them both banned from the ice cream shop, permanently.

 

* * *

 

“You know, I hate to say this.” Janis says as she circles Damian with a critical eye. “But I really think we may need back up for this.”

“You don’t think he looks good?” Cady pouts. “I think he looks good!”

“I think I look like a colorblind Kurt Hummel.” Damian says glumly, adjusting his top.

Cady consults the group text. “Karen is dying to come help.” She announces.

“Isn’t there anyone else we can ask?” Damian eyes himself in the mirror. “I love the Plastics, but even I can’t wear that much pink all the time.”

“We don’t have any other friends.” Janis reminds him. She’s officially given up helping Damian dress for his date.

“And I won’t have a boyfriend either, at this rate.” Damian mutters.

All three of their heads whip to the doorway as they hear the doorbell ring.

“Oh shi-” is all Janis has time to say before Regina, Karen, and Gretchen come marching through the doorway.

“I can’t believe you have a date tonight and you didn’t tell us!” Gretchen is already pulling out the eyeliner, passing it to Karen.

“It’s not really a big deal-“ Damian starts, but Regina cuts him off.

“Damian, just because the rest of us have a lot of drama in our lives doesn’t mean your life is unimportant! Don’t sideline yourself to the role of the gay best friend! Push Janis aside and be the main character!”

“Hey!” Janis protests from the bed.

Regina rolls her eyes. “One can only handle so much angsty lesbian drama, Janis.”

“I have **so** much to say to that, but I’m going to refrain, but **only** because I can’t be murdered before Damian’s date.”

“Thank you, Janis.”

“Can we _please_ focus on the matter at hand?!” Gretchen waves her hands towards Damian. “He can’t go out with Simon Hayek wearing this!”

“I think he looks good!” Cady valiantly continues to fight for her outfit choice.

“How did she know who the date was with? How does she do that?” Janis asks no one in particular.

“What about this?” Karen emerges from the depths of Damian’s closet with a shirt he’s definitely never seen before.

“It’s perfect!” Gretchen gasps.

“It’s not pink, at least.” Janis acknowledges, earning her glares from the ex plastics. “What? It isn’t!”

“What wrong with my outfit choice!” Cady demands.  

Regina looks like it physically pains her to not comment. Gretchen bites her lip.

“Sweater vests just… aren’t very popular right now.” Karen explains as she strips Damian of said vest and hands him the new shirt.

“Aaron likes the one I bought him!”

“Boys lie, Cady! Boys are liars who lie!” Gretchen is now lint rolling Damian’s whole body.

In a flurry of movement, the three girls finish getting Damian ready, just as the clock in the hall chimes 7 o’clock.

“I don’t think I can do this.” Damian whimpers as he adjusts his hair in the mirror for the tenth time. “Maybe I just shouldn’t go.”

Janis sighs and pushes herself off the bed, straightening her jacket with determination.

She stands in front of Damian and slaps him across the face, making everyone else in the room flinch. Damian seems unphased as Janis starts yelling: “Pull it together! Who are you!?”

“I’m Damian Hubbard.” Damian mutters begrudgingly.

“And what are you gonna do?!”

“I’m going to go on this date and… and kiss a cute boy?”

“That’s right! Why?!” Janis is jumping up and down as she yells, and Damian is getting caught up in the enthusiasm.

“Because we deserve happiness!”

“No matter….?!”

“No matter what anyone else tells us!”

“WHY?!”

They shout the last part together as they jump up and down: “BECAUSE! WE’RE! TITS!”

Gretchen, Regina, Karen, and Cady stand off to the side, watching with dismay as Janis and Damian break into a complicated handshake/dance routine.

“Do they do this a lot?” Gretchen finally asks.

“Like, every time they do anything.” Cady  confirms.

“Hmm.”

“Mhm.”

“Your friends are…. nerds?” Regina asks, looking faintly shell shocked by the performance.

“ _Our_ friends. _Our_ friends are nerds.” Cady corrects.

“Who?”

The doorbell rings and everyone looks at Damian, who looks terrified.

“Come on, let’s go!” Janis pushes Damian out of his room and to the front door. The girls follow.

Simon is waiting on the doorstep, and Damian rushes to leave because Janis is standing menacingly over his shoulder, giving Simon her best glare.

“Have him back by 10! I’ll be waiting up with my shotgun!!” Janis yells as the boys walk to the car.

“Love you, Damian! Have fun!!” Cady calls out.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” Regina adds.

Damian flips them all off as they drive away.

“I don’t know what he was so worried about.” Karen says as they shut the door. “I think we made a great first impression.”

“Oh, definitely.” Janis nods solemnly.

They all stand in the foyer for a moment more.

“So, are we going to follow them and see how it goes, or…..?”

Regina holds up her car keys in one hand. “I’ll drive.”

 

* * *

 

If interrogated, Janis would vehemently deny knowing how or why she started attending Northshore’s lacrosse games. Does she hate school spirit? Of course. Is she against organized sports on principle? Duh.

However, privately, she could admit that perhaps maybe the reason was that she was possibly worried about Regina. And also, anyone playing against Regina. Janis can easily recall Regina’s reactions to losing at board games when they were kids, and so she’s justified in worrying about Regina in competitive sports mode. And it’s not like it’s that hard to wander down to the fields after classes while Damian is in rehearsals.

It’s just that every time Regina gets knocked down, Janis feels her heart leap into her throat. Half the time, she goes home after the games with sweaty palms and a racing pulse. She honestly might think Regina is doing this on purpose, making the riskiest plays in the game, except for the fact that she hasn’t exactly… told Regina she’s been coming to the games.

Okay, so objectively, maybe it _looks_ like Janis is creepily watching Regina from the bleachers, but like… it’s not like she’s the only person here, okay? Lots of other students show up for the games. It’s not weird. Really.

“Janis?”

It’s Karen who startles Janis out of her thoughts.

“Oh, hey Karen.” Janis tries for a casual smile.

Karen waves excitedly as she climbs over the bleachers to reach Janis’s spot on the far edge. “Hi! Are you here to see Regina play too?”

“Yeah uh, I just like to make sure she’s alright. You know, since the whole bus thing… and also a lot of people kind of hate her? So… just, uh, making sure things don’t get too rough.”

“Oh!” Karen brightens. “You should always text her after and ask! Gretchen and I always check in after the games.”

“Oh, well.” Janis coughs self consciously. “I can’t just like…. _text_ her.”

Karen tilts her head, confused. “Oh. Why not? Do you not know how? I can show you!”

“Uhh, no it’s not that..” Janis shoves her hands into her pockets (a nervous habit). “It’s just complicated, you know?”

“Oh, because she outed you to the whole school and didn’t stop people from bullying you for three years and then you concocted a whole revenge plot where she lost her power and boyfriend and it ended with her getting hit by a bus?”

“Umm, yeah, kinda.”

Karen nods, like that makes complete sense. “Well, I think she wouldn’t mind if you texted her. She’s always saying stuff like ‘oh, do you think Janis would mind if I text her’ and ‘do you think it’s weird Janis always avoids sitting next to me’ and-“

“Okay, I think I get it!” Janis’s voice is an octave higher than usual. “I’ll…. think about maybe texting her. But... do me a favor and don’t tell her about this conversation, okay?”

“Okay, but I think she already saw us!” Karen turns and waves towards the field.

Janis closes her eyes briefly, then turns towards the match with trepidation. Yup, there’s Regina, waving back at Karen and looking at Janis with confusion.

Briefly, Janis entertains the thought of jumping off the top of the bleachers and making a break for the quad, but she decides that doesn’t really help her in this situation.

“Well, I better go!” Karen says brightly, clapping her hands together as if to say ‘Mission accomplished!’.

“Karen, wait, don’t leave me here with-“ Janis grasps uselessly at the empty space where Karen was, as Karen skips down the bleachers, giving Regina a kiss on the cheek as she passes her, then throwing a furtive thumbs up to Janis that Janis doesn’t understand, before darting off the field.

Janis is not someone who panics often, but she’s panicking now. It’s just that now Regina is climbing up the bleachers towards Janis, and she’s all sweaty in her NorthShore Lions uniform which has no sleeves so it shows off her arms and her hair is pulled back and just, like, objectively, Janis is really gay, okay?

“Hey, Janis.” Regina says, her brow wrinkled in confusion. “What’re you doing here?”

“Um, you know.” God, why is her voice so high? Janis gestures aimlessly with her notebook towards the field. “Just- drawing. Change of atmosphere and whatnot.” Whatnot? Janis has never said whatnot in her entire life. God dammit.

“Can I see?”

“What?”

Regina, her lacrosse stick slung across her back, points towards the notebook. “Can I see what you’re drawing?”

Janis looks down at her notebook, then back up at Regina, then back down at her notebook. Then she realizes she’s been drawing _Regina_. She slams the notebook shut. “Uh, yeah. No. Sorry. It’s not that good.”

Regina is smiling with amusement at flustered Janis, even if she’s confused on why Janis is flustered.

“Okay… Did you see any of the game? The team played really well today.” Regina George, a team player. May wonders never cease.

“Oh, was there a game?” Janis runs a hand through her hair casually and squints towards the field. “I didn’t notice.”

“Yeah, you were never really a fan of team sports, huh?” Regina’s tone is fond, but her expression falls just the slightest bit.

Janis bites her lip and relents. “I mean, I saw a little. You were good. A little aggressive, maybe, but good.”

Regina raises an eyebrow.

“I just mean, uh… you were hurt recently. So maybe… don’t get hit so much?”

Regina raises her eyebrow higher.

“Not that it’s any of my business, really, I mean, I just got here, so. I don’t know.” Janis flails her hands uselessly again. “God. Okay, I’m just going to go. So. See you tomorrow at lunch! Bye!”

“Janis.”

Janis pauses in her escape. “Yeah?”

“You forgot your sketchbook.” Regina holds out the offending object, grinning.

“Right. Thanks. Okay. Bye now!” Janis gives a two fingered salute and trips her way down the bleachers in her haste to leave.

 

* * *

 

“Janis, I love your sexy dragon costume.”

Janis adjusts the horns and wonders which part of her outfit is the “sexy” part, then figures it’s better not to ask. “Thanks, Karen. I love your sexy… uh, what exactly are you supposed to be?”

“I’m a sexy bat, duh!” Karen twists and tries to point at the tiny black wings on the back of her shirt.

Janis coughs. “Yes, that. Love it. Very sexy.”

Karen beams. “Thank you, Janis!!”

“What about me?” Damian asks, fluttering his eyelashes and striking a provocative pose. He’s dressed as a sexy nurse and it’s certainly... something.

“It’s certainly…. something.” Janis musters.

“I love it! You look very sexy!!”

Damian puts his arm around Karen and pulls her close, sticking his tongue out at Janis. “This is why Karen is my favorite.”

“Well, how can I compete with a sexy bat?”

“You just can’t.” Aaron agrees as he appears with their drinks. He and Cady are The Doctor and a Tardis, apparently, which is just so nerdy Janis is pretending not to know them.

They’re at Gretchen’s house for the Halloween party this year. Gretchen has been working with her therapist and she’s decided she’s ready to host a party herself and actually enjoy it, so it’s a decidedly smaller affair than last year: just their core group and an eclectic collection of friends.

Kevin is there, of course, and Simon Hayek, who has been three (3!) successful dates with Damian, and the two lacrosse teammates that Regina finds most tolerable, and Gretchen’s physics lab partner, who has corroborated all of Gretchen’s horror stories about their professor. Janis has even invited two girls from art that gave her the strongest gay vibes, and she’s only a little surprised when they actually show up.

Damian comes over to where she’s leaning against the wall and rests his head on her shoulder, pretending to wipe away a stray tear.

“My little Janis. All grown up. Inviting actual friends to an actual party.”

“I wouldn’t say they’re my _friends_.” Janis hedges. “More like classmates that share an interest.”

Damian scoffs. “Okay, sure. Well, Courtney definitely has a “interest” in you.”

“What does that even mean?”

Damian closes his eyes and puts his face in his hands. “Ughhhh, I hate lesbians. They’re so oblivious.”

“I’m the only lesbian you know!”

Damian winks at her. “Right. Sure. The “only” lesbian.”

“Wha- who- how-“

“How can you be so gay and yet have such bad gaydar? I ask myself that very question every day.”

“Damian.” Janis grabs the front of his scrubs and pulls him to her eye level. “Who else do you know that is a lesbian?”

Damian mimes zipping his lips shut and throwing away the key. “I have nothing else to say.”

“You just- you can’t zip them shut then talk, you- gah!” Janis tries to run her hands through her hair but hits her horns. “Goddammit. I’m going to go get drunk.” She mumbles, and stalks towards the punch while Damian laughs.

*

*

“Mission accomplished.” Janis says to herself later as she falls onto Gretchen’s couch, wasted.

The party has wound down, so that only the core seven still remain. And everyone is definitely not sober.

“Are you having a good time, Janis?” Gretchen asks from where she’s fretting on the other end of the couch. Janis raises an eyebrow.

“Oh right, I’m not supposed to ask that. I don’t need other people to be having a good time for me to be having a good time.” Gretchen mumbles under her breath.

“But if for some reason you did ask, I would tell you: I’m having a great time!” Janis exclaims as she lays back, staring at the ceiling with drunken fascination. “Best Halloween party I’ve ever been to!”

“Also, the only Halloween party she’s been to.” Regina adds as taps Janis's leg, prompting Janis to lift up her legs so Regina can sit down on the couch, then lets them drop back down to rest across her thighs.

“Bitch.” Janis mumbles without looking up, but she’s smiling.

“But it is a great party, Gretch.” Regina tells her friend, her state of inebriation making her words come out softer than sober Regina George’s ever would.

Gretchen beams. “Thank you, Regina. I’m so glad we’re real friends this year.”

“I am, too.”

“GAY!” Janis calls from where her head has started to dangle precariously off the couch.

“Not everything is gay just because you say so, Janis.” Regina replies in the fond tone of someone who has had this exact discussion before.

“But I am!” Damian yells from somewhere behind them.

Regina leans over the top of the couch to see Damian laying on the floor behind the couch, with Karen laying with her head on his stomach.

“Guys, are Cady and Aaron having sex upstairs?” Karen wonders aloud.

Everyone groans.

“God, I hope not.” Regina mutters.

“They are.” Gretchen confirms sadly.

Everyone groans again.

“Aren’t we happy for them?” Karen looks genuinely conflicted.

“We are, honey.” Damian says, attempting to pat her on the shoulder but just flopping his hand across her face. “But we don’t wanna know about straight sex.”

“Do you want to know about gay sex? Because Gretchen and I-“

Gretchen SHRIEKS at the top of her lungs and falls off the couch in her attempt to silence Karen.

“What?!” Janis squawks and tries to sit up, but falls back when her vision swims. Damian starts laughing so hard, Regina is mildly concerned he’s going to throw up or pass out.

“I think we already know about that.” Regina informs Karen.

“You WHAT?” Gretchen’s voice is reaching pitches that shouldn’t be possible.

“Please.” Regina waves her hand to dismiss the words and almost falls onto Janis. God, they’re all really drunk. “You two aren’t subtle.”

“WHAT?!” Janis squawks again.

“Gretchen, honey, breathe!” Damian is attempting to pull himself together to console Gretchen, but keeps falling back to the floor in laughter.

“Let’s focus on what’s important here.” Regina shoulders on for Gretchen’s sake. “Gretchen threw an amazing party.”

“What?!” Janis squawks for a third time, then catches on to the subject change and coughs. “I mean, yes. A great party. Like I said! Best Halloween party ever!”

“I agree!” Cady chimes in as she skips down the stairs and falls to the floor in a heap next to Damian.

“Where’s Aaron?” Damian asks as he fans Gretchen with his hands.

“Uh… cleaning up.” Cady says, blushing.

Everyone else groans again, while Karen grins.

“I knew it!”

 

* * *

 

It’s a rainy Saturday in the middle of November when Gretchen calls.

Janis is balancing precariously on one foot, eyeing her latest canvas at an angle, one eye closed, when her phone rings and she topples to the floor.

“Shit.” She hastily wipes her now paint covered hands down the old paint shirt she’s wearing and grabs her phone.

She presses it to her ear, still focused on her canvas. “What’s up?”

“Janis!!! Where are you!! We are having a crisis!!” It’s Gretchen’s high, nervous voice that greets her. Janis goes from 1-10 real fucking quick.

“What? Slow down. What’s happening?”

“Janis, I don’t know what to do! We were at the mall and now and she’s and we and I don’t know!”

Janis pulls her paint shirt over her head and strides into the house to grab her mom’s car keys. “Gretchen, it’s okay. I need you to calm down a little. What happened?”

There’s some shuffling and then Karen takes over the phone. “Hey, Janis! We’re at the mall. Can you come over? Something happened with Regina.”

Janis breaks the speed limit the whole drive there.

*

*

When she arrives, Gretchen is pacing frantically outside of the women’s restroom on the third floor.

“Janis!” She cries as soon as she spots her. “Thank G-d! We really need you. We were just walking, after we went to Macy’s, and Karen found a really cute blouse, and then we decided to go get smoothies and we went around the corner and Regina kind of tripped, and then she got really still and then said she had to go and she ran into the bathroom and she won’t come out!”

Janis takes a second to digest all that, and she understands their confusion, but there’s one thing she still isn’t clear on. “Okay? But why did you call _me_?!”

“You’re like, the best at handling Regina.” Karen explains. “You always calm her down.”

Janis looks at the two like they’re crazy, which they must be if they think an upset Regina George would want to be consoled by Janis Sarkisian.  

“Are we talking about the same Regina? Regina George? Former apex predator of Northshore?!”

“Can you just go in there, Janis? Please?” Gretchen and Karen both look at her pleadingly.

Janis sighs.

*

*

Janis pushes open the bathroom door and stomps her way in.

“Regina?” There’s no answer. Janis cautiously walks further in until she sees the flash of pink shoes under the last stall.

Janis stops outside the stall door, frowning. “Regina?”

“....Janis?” It’s definitely Regina.

“Regina, what the hell is going on?”

“Fuck off, Janis. Leave me alone.” Her voice doesn’t have as much venom as she’s trying for.

Janis frowns deeper. “No, Regina, what’s going on?”

“Seriously, can’t you take a hint? Go away!”

“Dude, I’m not just gonna leave you here. Let me in.”

“No.”

“Regina…”

“Jesus, you’re so clingy. Go away, freak.” Regina winces as soon as she spits it out, and outside the stall, Janis flinches too.

Six months ago, Janis would have turned and stormed out of the bathroom. And she knows she doesn’t deserve Regina’s vitriol, no matter how upset the blonde is.

Instead of leaving, though, she takes a deep breath.

“Okay, I’m coming in.” Janis drops to the floor and starts to shimmy under the stall door.

Regina is folded on the floor, leaning against the wall with her forehead resting on her knees. She’s very clearly trying not to cry, half hyperventilating.

“Oh, babe,” Janis says, stricken and uncertain what to do. Luckily, Regina decides for her when she flings herself into Janis’s arms.

Janis’s back hits the stall door with a thud. “Uh, I.. Okay… Uh...”

“Just hug me back, you idiot.” Regina tries to say, but she’s still hyperventilating, so it comes out as more of a sob. Janis seems to get the gist, however, and wraps her arms around the girl.

“Hey, it’s okay. Breathe, okay? Everything is alright. You’re fine, I’m fine, everyone is fine!” Janis’s voice is a little panicky, because she’s never seen Regina like this. She rubs her arms up and down along her back soothingly, murmuring reassurance until Regina’s heavy sobs die down to quieter shudders.

Janis keeps her grip on the blonde loose, assuming Regina will pull away once she realizes it’s _Janis_ she’s holding onto, but when Regina’s breathing finally calms, she stays pressed again Janis, her hands gripping today’s denim jacket.

“How did you get here?” Regina whispers.

Janis tried to shrug nonchalantly, but it doesn’t really work with Regina still curled around her. “Gretchen called. She were worried. She didn’t like, tell anyone else though, don’t worry.”

Regina nods and lapses back into silence, still recovering.

“You don’t have to tell me….” Janis starts, hesitating, “but what happened? Did someone say something? Or…?”

Regina shakes her head minutely. “It’s just like… I don’t know. I just tripped! That’s _all._ But it’s like I’m back there, all of the sudden, right as that stupid bus hits me, and I’m lying in the street, and then it all comes at me really fast and I can’t breathe and it _hurts_.” Regina takes another shuddering breath against Janis’s shoulder. “It hurts.” She repeats, quieter.

There’s really nothing Janis can say to make it better, and she knows Regina would never want her pity, so she doesn’t respond verbally, just continues to stroke Regina’s back and match her breathing.

“My therapist says it’s normal. Expected. Whatever. Usually I’m by myself so it’s not so embarrassing.” Regina uses one hand to limply point to the fact they’re on the floor of a mall bathroom, but Janis is stuck on the previous sentence.

“This has happened before?”

Regina pushes herself off Janis so her back is against the tiled wall, her legs atop of Janis’s. She tilts her head back against the wall with a sigh. “Yeah. It’s stupid.”

Janis shakes her head fiercely. “‘Gina, that’s not stupid. You don’t have to hide it. Gretchen and Karen are your friends.”

“I have a reputation to uphold. And they’d be too freaked out, anyway.” She doesn’t mean for that to come out quite as pathetic as it does.

“Next time, call me then.”

Regina lifts her head off the wall so she can give Janis a disbelieving look.

Janis shrugs. “I mean, your badass reputation already doesn’t work with me. I was there that time you saw a mouse and jumped like two feet in the air and broke a lamp.”

“That wasn’t a mouse, Janis, it was a _rat_ . And I was _nine._ ” Regina sniffs. “But I guess you’re right.”

Janis grins. “The great Regina George admits I’m right? What a day!”

Regina swats playfully at the brunette’s shoulder as Janis pretends to celebrate. Eventually, Janis asks, “So do you want to go out there and talk to thing one and thing two, or should I go ask Karen about her dance routines so you can sneak out?”

Regina’s smile instantly drops from her face at the mention of the world outside of their bubble, but a second later it’s replaced by a forced, fake smile.

“You can go home, I’m good.” Clearly, whatever moment they were having is over.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, sure.” Regina tosses her hair. “I mean, I’m _Regina George._ ”

Janis chuckles at that, but she’s still not convinced. “I really don’t mind…”

“Really, Jan. I’m fine.”

Janis wants to protest, but then _Jesus, you’re so clingy.._ echoes in her head and so she just nods. “Uh, okay. See you later.”

Then she gives an awkward wave and shuffles out of the bathroom to deal with Karen and Gretchen.

*

*

Janis leaves the bathroom assuming everything is fine now, but evidently, she’s wrong.

For the next week, Regina doesn’t answer her texts and cancels on the group’s weekly movie night on Friday. She’s conspicuously absent at lunch, and is somehow never at her locker. Janis tries not to let it bother her, reminding herself that she and Regina have only recently even become friends again anyway. But she keeps remembering Regina hunched on the floor and then checks her phone for messages again, just to be sure.  

Janis's worry must be more obvious than intended, because Gretchen catches her by the arm as they’re all walking out to her car after the movie.

She worries her hands and dives right in. “Janis, I don’t know what happened last week, but I know Regina and when people see her vulnerable, she avoids them.”

“That’s true!” Karen chimes in. “One time we saw her throw up at a party, and she didn’t speak to us for like two weeks.”

Janis runs a hand through her hair, frustrated. “So what do I do?”

“Don’t let her avoid you!”

“But what if she actually wants me to leave her alone?”

Karen giggles. “Regina never wants you to leave her alone! She’s-“

Gretchen quickly stops Karen. “Janis, this is Regina we’re talking about. If she didn’t want to see you, you’d know.”

“She just doesn’t know what to do when people care about her, so she pushes them away.” Karen makes a series of complicated gestures with her hands. “It’s like, basic psychology. Duh.”

Janis groans and stuffs her hands back into her pockets. “Okay. I’ll figure something out. Thanks guys.”

Gretchen pats her on the arm sympathetically. “We’re just really glad you two are friends again.”

Janis hopes Regina still thinks they are too.

*

*

Sunday night, Regina wakes up to Janis literally falling in her window. Her heart starts racing the moment she sees the brunette laying in a heap on her floor, and not just because for a second she thinks she’s being robbed.

But she’s Regina George, and she’s had years of pretending to be unaffected. So she just sets down the lamp she’d picked up to throw at an intruder and raises an eyebrow. “We have a perfectly good door, you know.”

“Yeah, well,” Janis picks herself up off the floor, brushing off her jacket. “I didn’t feel like explaining to your mom what I was doing here at two in the morning.”

“And… what _are_ you doing here at two in the morning?” Regina tries to keep her voice light, but she’s not sure she succeeds.

“Well, you’ve been avoiding me, so I had to get creative.” Janis replies.

Regina pretends to examine her nails so she doesn’t look nervous. “Don’t be so dramatic. I’ve been busy.”

“Uh huh.”

Regina says nothing.

Janis takes a deep breath, kneeling on the edge of the bed. “Regina, listen…”

“You are NOT putting those boots on my bed.”

Janis rolls her eyes, but complies, shoving her boots off and onto the floor. “Better?”

Regina sniffs. “I guess.”

Janis crawls up and settles next to her, leaning against the headboard, their arms brushing.

“Remember when we painted a mural there?” Janis points to the far wall. “Your mom was so pissed.”

“I remember when I got no allowance for three weeks as punishment, if that’s what you mean.” 

Janis chuckles. “Worth it.”

“Yeah,” Regina agrees, wistful, “It was.”

They lapse into silence. Regina breaks it.

“I’m sorry. I know I’ve apologized like. So many times this year. But I shouldn’t have been mean to you when you were trying to help. So. Sorry for fucking up, again.”

Janis shrugs. “‘s okay. I know you didn’t mean it. We all say shit when we’re upset. But it is kind of shitty to ignore me after I crawled on a bathroom floor for you.”

“Okay, I didn’t _ask_ you to do that.”

Janis gives her a look. Regina sighs. “Yeah, yeah, okay. I’m sorry for avoiding you, too. I just, like. I’ve really been trying to be less of a bitch, and then I go and pull this shit. And I didn’t want to apologize again and you saw me literally sobbing on the floor and like.” She shrugs. “It’s easier to just avoid you, I guess.”

“Karen can give you the whole psychological rundown on why you do that, if you want.”

Regina laughs a little. “I’m sure she’d give my therapist a run for her money.” She takes a deep breath.

“Look. I can’t promise I’ll never be a bitch again. Obviously. But I hope you know, I’ve really been trying. I’ve really…” Regina turns to look Janis in the eyes and trails off, her breath catching in her throat. The room suddenly feels still, the lack of space between the two girls more obvious. 

“...been trying.” Janis finishes for her, her eyes tracing Regina’s face. “I know. But we can’t keep having these meaningful apology scenes, the readers will get bored.”

Regina shakes her head, trying to clear her thoughts.“... What?”

“You’ve been trying, I know. And that’s what matters to me.”

Regina breaks eye contact first, her hands twisted in her lap to stop herself from reaching for Janis’s hand. “Sap.”

“I know, god. Enough with the emotional discussions, please!” Janis tosses her hands in the air for emphasis.

“Well I don’t like them either!” Regina splutters.

“Then no more! From now on, it’s superficial conversations and passive aggressive commentary only!”

“Please!!”

Janis laughs, and Regina laughs, and for a moment, they’re just two friends smiling together, no complicated past, no confusing present.

And when Janis sneaks out the window later that night, she can’t help but feel there’s potential for a happy future.

 

* * *

 

Janis tells Damian all about it the next day. Obviously, she’s not going to tell anyone else, but by now she figures everyone should know, anything she knows, Damian will also hear about.

As always, Damian listens faithfully to the entire recollection of the events.

Do you ever think maybe Regina doesn’t deserve your forgiveness?” Damian asks softly. “I mean, you know you don’t have to be her friend again, right? No one would blame you for that.”

Janis sighs. “I know. Some people can’t be redeemed, I know that. But, like… We were best friends, you know? And I guess sometimes I feel like the Regina who was my best friend is still there. I don’t know.” She exhales hard. “Is that stupid?”

“Of course not. Actually, I think you forgiving her shows your growth as a person. But I just want to make sure you’re looking out for yourself.”

Janis rubs the back of her neck anxiously. “If she was hurting me, I’d say something. You know I don’t stand for that shit. But most of the time…” She shrugs. “I like who I am around her, if that makes sense? She’s a challenge, but a good one?”

Damian nods contemplatively. “That’s gay.”

“Fuck you, Damian.”

“Janis, you’re beautiful, but I would never.”

Janis smacks him on the arm. “We’re having a serious conversation here!”

“And I’m seriously not going to sleep with you!” Damian falls back on his bed, laughing.

Janis rolls her eyes as she falls onto the bed next to him.

“Just promise me one thing?”

Janis rolls over to look him in the eyes. “Anything, you know that. What is it?”

“Don’t replace me with Regina as your new old best friend?”

“Damian, you’ll always be my best friend.” Janis pauses when Damian smiles. “You know too much about me, I can never get rid of you.”

“Aw, Janis, I love you too. Come here.” He open his arms for a hug, laughing as Janis tries to dodge him.

“No hugs, no hugs! I’ve already been too nice tonight!”

Damian starts chasing her around his room, arms wide, and even as Janis throws a pillow at him and runs away, she smiles to herself. It’s nice to know even with all the crazy changes that have happened this past year, the friendship between herself and Damian never falters. 

 

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter's quote is by Catie Rosemurgy, an excerpt from Miss Peach: The College Years  
> please message me on tumblr while my bpd induced mean girls musical obsession is still going strong. i’m just laying here thinking about janis & damian’s friendship 24/7….. im literally beggin ya  
> also comment if you like it. okay goodnight rejanis endgame


	3. part III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The way this all ends is so inevitable; Janis can’t stand it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a heads up, there is a scene that discusses a PAST suicide attempt and depression. If you don’t want to read it, i marked the start of the scene with a row of bolded asterisks, so you can skip it.  
> The original plan for this fic was for everything to go straight to shit in January but now it’s more of a slow decline from February on. It's not even that bad I'm just a dramatic bitch  
> Also this chapter does end on a sad cliffhanger. But there will be a happy ending to this fic, okay? If you don’t wanna be depressed maybe just wait for the fourth chapter to be posted and read it all at once.

_We weren’t doing the beginning part._ _We were doing the part where it all comes unwound._

 _The part of the plot where all the elements have been clearly established,_ a _nd put in the right place._

 _T_ _he part where you just sit and watch everything happen,_   _where everything goes wrong_

_and there’s nothing you can do about it._

* * *

 

 

“Everyone, listen up.” Janis comes up behind Damian at the lunch table. “I have an announcement.”

“You’re finally going to cut your hair?!” Gretchen guesses.

“What? No….” Janis looks down at her hair. “What’s wrong with my hair?”

“Oh, nothing!” Gretchen backpedals. “Nothing, please, continue. Your announcement?”

“Right... Anyway, my mother wants me to invite all of you to our house for Thanksgiving.” Janis says this as if she’s announcing her own death sentence.

“Yessss!” Damian fist pumps in celebration. “I love the holidays at the Sarkisian house!”

“Mrs. Hubbard and Mrs. Sarkisian take turns hosting Thanksgiving.” Cady explains to the Plastics.

“And my mother cannot cook.” Damian takes Janis’s hands and swings them side to side while Janis looks like she’s in pain. “Yay, the holidays! Food and friends and celebrating!”

“I will stab you with a fork.”

Karen reaches over and takes the fork off Janis’s tray.

“You’re all invited. But let me be clear: I don’t want any of you to come. I am only telling you because I know my mother will ask Damian if I did and Damian can’t lie to her.”

“Her eyes see right into my soul, Janis!”

Janis gives a glare that makes her feelings known and then stalks off.

There’s a beat of silence.

“I guess we’re not going then.” Gretchen says, looking disappointed.

“Oh no, we are all definitely going.” Damian informs her.

Cady agrees. “Janis will be really sad if you guys don’t come. It’s a huge deal that she invited you.”

Regina looks behind herself, then back at them. “Were you listening to the same announcement as I was? It sounded like Janis will shoot us on sight.”

Damian waves his hands dismissively. “That’s just Janis being Janis. Trust me, she wants us all there.”

Karen squeals. “Great! We can all coordinate our outfits!”

*

*

The doorbell rings.

Janis wrenches open the door, takes one look at the five teenagers on the doorstep, and slams it shut again.

“Damian!” Janis yells. “Did you tell them to come even when I _explicitly_ said not to?!”

“Oh, open the door, you drama queen. We all know you want them here.”

“I’m going to poison the turkey.”

“Uh, guys?” Cady says from the other side of the door. “Can we come in, or….?”

Janis throws the door open and stalks further into her home.

“Happy Thanksgiving!” Damian gives them all hugs and air kisses as he ushers them into the Sarkisian home. “Don’t mind her, you know how some people get during the holidays.”

“I can hear you!” Janis shouts from the kitchen.

Damian makes a face at that, but still lets the girls enter the kitchen first, using Regina as a shield.

While Cady stumbles over her words trying to impress Mrs. Hubbard and Mrs. Sarkisian, Damian directs Gretchen and Karen to the dessert table to put down the pies. Regina, ever predictable, isn’t carrying anything.

Janis grins at Regina as she looks distastefully at the bowl Janis is mixing.

“Vegetarian stuffing? Again?”

“You know I didn’t stop being a vegetarian, right?”

Regina sniffs. “I was hoping it was a phase in 7th grade.”

“I thought that’s what you hoped me being a lesbian was.”

Regina hesitates at the joke. “Actually, I’ve been meaning to tell you-”

Whatever she’s going to share is cut off by the arrival of Cady and Karen’s parents, carrying too many dishes and already in a loud disagreement over how to cook the turkey.

The rest of the afternoon passes in a flurry of cooking and debates over cooking and everyone trying to explain their pointless holiday traditions to an overwhelmed Heron family. Janis and Damian keep stopping Cady and Aaron and then Gretchen and Karen from sneaking away to make out, which is a harder task than it sounds.

Though Mrs. Sarkisian doesn’t know all the sordid details of the last three years, she had been the one who dealt with the fallout after 8th grade debacle, so she is still understandably wary of Regina George. She trusts her daughter, however, and Janis asks her to not be mean to Regina, so she hasn’t been. But that hasn’t stopped her from shooting distrustful looks at Regina every time the blonde talks to her daughter, then whispering furiously with Mrs. Hubbard. As such, when they sit down to the meal, Regina’s name card has been strategically placed as far from Janis as possible, which Regina tries and fails to not take offense at.

Cady opens her mouth and Janis cuts her off before she can get a word out.

“If you try to get us to say what we’re thankful for, I’ll make you regret it.”

“Janis, be polite. It’s Thanksgiving.”

Dinner commences

*

*

After the meal, Regina offers to help Mrs. Sarkisian with the dishes (though she’s never done them before and doesn’t know how), but Janis’s mother declines with yet another glare and Regina sighs and goes to sit in the living room.

Sabrina joins her daughter on the couch and pats her arm.

“Don’t worry, honey, the mother in law always hates the girl that takes away her pride and joy.”

Regina chokes. “What the f… hell is that supposed to mean?!” She hisses under her breath, looking around to see if Janis is close enough to hear.

She spots Janis across the room talking to Karen and, as if connected, Janis turns at the same moment and catches her gaze.

Janis furrows her brow slightly as if to ask “are you okay?” and when Regina nods, Janis smiles with her eyes before turning back to Karen.

When Regina turns back to her mother, Sabrina blinks at her, wide eyed, as if confused on why Regina is confused.

“We’re not dating, mom!”

“You’re not…” Sabrina’s eyes get wider as the words sink in. “Oh, right of course. I don’t know why, I just assumed…. Well anyway, it doesn’t matter.”

Thankfully, Gretchen’s mother comes over at that moment, whisking Sabrina away to join Mrs. Hubbard and Mr. Smith in a spirited discussion, the topic of which no one seems certain of, so Regina doesn’t have to think of an answer to that completely ridiculous statement.

Yes, people at school have assumed they’re a couple, but that’s because they think that about any girl who talks to Janis, right?

Right?

Regina knows exactly what it means, the way her heart beats a little faster at the mere mention of her dating Janis.

She elects to ignore it.  

 

* * *

 

By December, it becomes abundantly clear to everyone else that Janis and Regina are suffering from what Karen has deemed UST disease, or as Damian calls it, “a truly disgusting amount of unresolved sexual tension”. Damian and Karen agree the two girls are in love, Gretchen is worried they’ll never realize it, Cady is just plain thrilled by every development between the two, and Aaron, who is updated at university by frequent text message, seems confused by all the drama.

“They’ll be dating by Spring Fling!” Damian whispers with glee as they watch Regina subtly lean into Janis during one movie night.

“You’re forgetting how stubborn they are...” Gretchen replies, keeping one eye on the couple; Janis stiffens the moment Regina’s head touches her shoulder, then gradually relaxes. “Regina’s never had to make the first move before and Janis will be too afraid.”

“I bet you twenty bucks.”

Aaron oversees the bet as judge.

“You guys are terrible.” Cady interjects, gazing at Janis and Regina like a proud mother. “I’m just glad they’re friends again.”

“What are we talking about?!” Karen pops up above the couch they’re hiding behind, startling them all.

Damian shrieks in surprise and throws the bowl of popcorn he’s holding, drawing Janis’s attention, and the discussion is dropped.

 

* * *

 

“Oh, I love snow!” Cady twirls in a circle before falling to the ground, waving her arms around to make the world’s worst snow angel.

Damian, wrapped in his own coat and two of Janis’s, shivers. “I finally get your ‘I hate people’ attitude after all these years. Cheerful people are horrible.”

Janis takes off her scarf and wraps it around Damian. “I appreciate the validation, buddy.”

As seniors, even the Plastics elected to ditch the talent show this year in favor of going ice skating and then crashing at someone’s house. Also, what happened at last year’s talent show is still a touchy subject among some of the group members.

Damian is filling Janis in on his latest date when he gets socked in the back of the head with a snowball.

Shocked, Damian and Janis both turn around to see Gretchen staring at her own hands like she can’t believe she just did that.

“Oh, girl, you did not just do that.”

Regina and Karen realize what’s going to happen, but they’re too late to stop it.

“Wait-” Regina starts, but Janis and Damian are already diving behind a mound of snow, pulling Cady behind it to help make snowballs.

“I’ll make, you throw?”

Cady nods, already focused, while Damian laments the snow already melting under his shirt.

Regina sighs, pulling her two friends down and assigning Karen to make the snowballs. At Gretchen’s questioning look, she says, “Well, we’re not going to _lose_ this snowball fight. Come on.”

It’s quite the sight, Regina shouting commands while Gretchen and Karen flank her, churning snowballs at a rate so fast, Janis barely has time to shout a warning before they descend on the trio like harbingers of doom, or snow.

Among the flurry of powder, ice, and Damian shrieking, Janis sees her opportunity and takes it.

She tackles Regina and they land in the snow, Janis taking the brunt of the fall. Sunk into the snow, Regina lands on top of Janis, her blonde hair falling around them like a curtain. Everyone else fades out, the world around them going silent.

Both of them are breathing hard from the snowball fight, their chests brushing with every breath. Janis feels Regina’s body against her own like a iron brand, even though their layers of winter wear.

Regina’s eyes flutter shut as she feels Janis lean forward minutely, close enough to feel her breath against her lips. Her breath catches in anticipation-

and Janis smashes a snowball into Regina’s face.

“You little-” Regina splutters, but Janis is howling with laughter as she stumbles through the snow, running away from a vengeful Regina.  

By the time both teams concede to a tie, all six of them are soaked and freezing.

“Do you ever feel like maybe we’re too competitive?” Damian asks as they limp to the car.

“No.” Regina and Janis say at the same time, then look at each other with narrowed eyes.

“We won though.” Janis mumbles as she gets into the car.

Regina whips her head around, eyes blazing. “What was that?”

“Nothing, nothing!” Janis holds up her hands to show her innocence.

When Regina isn’t looking, Damian and Cady nod in agreement.

*

*

Janis looks out across the wreckage, her expression grim.

“Cady, my friend.” She wraps one arm around the despondent shoulder of the red head. “You’ve had many, many bad ideas but this? This may be your worst.”

“Don’t be dense.” Regina snaps from somewhere beyond the haze. “This isn’t nearly as bad as the rock climbing incident in July.”

“Only because that time, we almost died.” Damian interjects.

“And we didn’t almost die this time?”

Janis nods her head sagely in the direction of the voice. “Good point, Gretchen. If we survive this, we can have a vote on which of Cady’s ideas has been the worst.”

Aaron, standing in the middle of it all, finally speaks up. “Has anyone ever told you guys you’re kind of dramatic?”

“Us?” Damian clasps his hands to his chest. “Dramatic? Never!”

“Hubbard, if I could see you, I would throw my shoe at you.” Regina is clearly in a mood.

“Bitch, please. I saw your snowball throwing. You have the hand-eye coordination of a two year old with vertigo.”

A bright red high heel comes flying out of the smoke on the left side of the room and impales itself into the wall above Damian’s head.

Damian whips his head around to look at the shoe, then looks at Janis for explanation. “Does she have echolocation? Is she some sort of bat?”

“I’ve long suspected she has dark magic powers.” Janis stage whispers back.

“You’re next, Sarkisian!”

“Guys? Are we gonna try again or are we giving up?” It’s Karen who finally brings all their attention back to the problem at hand.

“I don’t know.” Cady answers as the smoke dissipates and the kitchen and its inhabitants becomes visible again. “I just don’t think we’re very good at baking.”

Gretchen picks up one blacked brick from the second batch. “You think?”

“I know we can do it!” Karen’s endless optimism is what inspired them to keep going after batch three.

Gretchen looks desperately at Regina, who looks at Janis, who looks at Damian, who looks at Aaron, who looks at Cady. “Babe?”

Everyone holds their breath while they wait for Cady’s decision.

“Okay, one more batch! We can do this!”

A single burnt cookie falls from the ceiling and hits the ground with a loud crack. Janis groans.

*

*

Two hours later, after driving to the store and buying already made cookies, then deep cleaning the entire kitchen, the group settles downstairs to watch holiday movies. It’s winter break and they plan to make the most of it, meaning they plan to lay on the couch and do nothing as much as possible.

Damian is sprawled against Janis, the only person who could get that close to her and not get slapped.

When Regina gets up to get a drink, Cady starts looking at Damian pointedly, and it takes Damian a minute to figure out what she’s trying to say through exaggerated gestures.

“What’re you doing?” Janis sits up as Damian crawls off her lap and onto the floor.

Damian looks around the room as if someone else might help him out, and they don’t. “Uh… if someone doesn’t sit between Cady and Aaron, who knows what could happen!”

Janis gives him a funny look. “Okay…?”

Damian moves next to Cady, pushing Aaron to Regina’s spot. Aaron just sighs.

So of course, when Regina comes back downstairs, the only open spot is next to Janis.

Janis comes to this conclusion exactly two seconds before Regina does, and five minutes after everyone else. She whips out her phone to send Damian several graphic threats.

Regina clears her throat. “Do you mind if I sit here? I can only sit next to Karen and Gretchen and pretend they’re not making out for so long.”

Janis looks over to see that yes, they are indeed making out. But she still says, “That’s awfully homophobic of you, Regina.”

Regina rolls her eyes and sits down next to Janis, their knees brushing. “Must you always be so annoying?”

“Aw, Regina. We both know my personality is what you like most about me.” Janis eases back into the couch, the awkwardness dispersed by the comfort of their usual banter.

“Well, it’s certainly not your sense of style I enjoy.” Regina settles back too, tucking her legs up so her thigh is pressed against Janis’s.

Janis snorts. “Pink’s not really my color.”

“I don’t know, I think you could pull it off…”

Janis doesn’t have a response to that because she’s busy pretending she’s not hyper aware of Regina’s touch.

On the other couch, Damian and Cady high five in a not at all obvious way.  

*

*

The movie marathon ends around 1am, and after lots of hugs and promises to hang out during the break, everyone heads out.

When Regina reaches her car, Janis is standing next to it, aimlessly kicking gravel, hands stuffed into her pockets.

Regina comes to a halt next to her.

“Oh. Hey.”

Regina raises an eyebrow. “Hey. Do you need a ride or something?”

“Oh, uhh… No. Thanks though.”

“Okay….” Regina steps around Janis and unlocks her car door. “Not to be rude but.. did you need something or…?”

Janis huffs. “Can you not be a bitch for like two seconds?”

“I’m gonna let that go because you’re obviously-” Regina waves a hand around Janis’s face, “-having a breakdown or something. Can you just tell me what-”

“Oh my god, here!” Janis shoves a box into Regina’s hands.

Regina looks down at the box, then back at Janis, who is… blushing?

“It’s a Hanukkah gift.” Janis adds gruffly, when Regina doesn’t say anything. “It’s stupid. Whatever.”

Regina turns around and opens her car door.

“Right. Okay. Bye then.” Janis mutters, stepping away from the car.

“I got you something too.” Regina grabs her own box from the middle console and throws it at Janis, who catches it just in time.

“You… got me something?” Janis repeats to herself as she turns it over in her hands, staring at it like Regina has given her the crown jewels.

“Don’t make it a big deal, God.” Regina tosses her hair.

Janis places the package into her pockets and looks at Regina for a long moment.

“What? We’re friends, right? I can’t get you a-”

Janis steps forward and throws her arms around Regina. It takes a second for Regina to realize Janis is hugging her. She can’t remember the last time they hugged.

Probably 8th grade.

She returns the embrace with equal fervor.

When they both pull back reluctantly, they hold eye contact for a long moment, still close enough to feel the heat of each other’s breath.

Regina is about to do something stupid, like lean forward and kiss her, when Janis snaps out of it.

“Uh, yeah. Okay, bye!”

Janis takes off down the street, leaving Regina standing in the cold, face flushed and heart racing.

* * *

 

 

It’s almost midnight and Karen’s house is packed.

Amid the haze, Janis slides through the crowd and steps outside, the door muffling the sounds of the party. She takes a deep breath, exhaling, her breath dissipating in the air like smoke. Inside, Janis can hear the countdown starting.

10….

And then: someone else on the porch with her-

“Janis?”

9….. 8……

“Regina?”

Janis furrows her brow at the look of intensity on Regina’s face.

“Janis.” Regina says again. It comes out breathless.

7….. 6…….

She wants to ask what Regina is thinking, or what’s happening, or something, but Janis looks in Regina’s eyes and suddenly she can’t think of anything.

5…. 4…..

Regina reaches out, even as she steps closer, angling their bodies together, and places one hand on Janis’s cheek, along the curve of her neck, and Janis instinctively leans into the touch, as if they’ve done this a thousand times before.

3…. 2…..

Janis closes her eyes, her breath catching in her throat. In the milliseconds between each stuttering heartbeat, Janis _knows_ she could step back, could end all this, but she doesn’t want to. She wants to be closer, she wants-

1….

 

“Janis. Janis?”

Janis blinks and comes out of the daydream. “Sorry, what?”

Damian gives her a funny look.

“I said, can you come early to the party tomorrow night?” Karen is hosting, which sort of guarantees it’s going to be wild.  

“Oh, uh…” Janis can feel the blush on her cheeks, the whole group watching her. “Yeah, of course. Wouldn’t miss it.”

The discussion moves on, but Janis tunes it out, stuck in her own mind. What the fuck has been going on with her lately? She thinks all this physical contact with Regina is fucking with her head or something. It’s like now that the barrier has been broken, now that Janis isn’t spending all her time avoiding touching Regina, she’s desperate for it. Which like, Janis has self control. She’d be able to get over it, except Regina seems equally as eager. She keeps sitting closer than strictly necessary, or playing with Janis’s newly short hair, or any other number of things, and Janis knows that Regina doesn’t know the effect she’s having on her. In fact, it’s Regina who has really ramped up the physical contact in the past few weeks, and though it doesn’t exactly _bother_ Janis, she’s not sure what to make of it. Is it Regina’s effort to make sure Janis feels accepted? Is it just a sign that they’re becoming comfortable friends again? Or (and Janis refuses to think about this for more than three seconds a day), does it mean something more?

 

She considers this as she reclines against the wall at Karen’s real New Year’s Eve party. Or, more accurately, she doesn’t consider it. It’s not possible. She cannot handle the thought.

“Have I mentioned,” comes a voice from behind her, and isn’t it fucked up the way she instinctively knows it’s Regina, from her voice and her smell and the feeling of being near her? “That I love your new hair?”

Janis chuckles into her cup. She hasn’t had much to drink tonight, but the same cannot be said for Regina. “You may have said something once or twice.” She fails to conceal a shiver as Regina runs a hand through her shorter hair, her nails scratching at Janis’s scalp.

“Well, I love it.” Regina leans her weight against Janis’s side, her words murmured into Janis’s ear.

“Okayyy.” Janis steps away from Regina, holding her up by her shoulders. “I think you should probably have some water now.”

“Why?” Regina asks with a pout, and Janis has to break eye contact so she doesn’t give in. The pull that Regina has on her is ridiculous.

“Because you’d never be this affectionate if you were sober.” Janis reminds her as she steers the blonde towards the kitchen.

Regina’s pout deepens. “Yes I wouldddd.”

“Mhm.”

“I’m affectionate with lots of people.”

Janis snorts. “Yeah, sure. But not with me.”

“It’s different with you.”

“Why? Cause I’m a lesbian?”

Regina sighs a long sigh. “No, silly. Because you’re you,” she waves one hand up Janis’s body to indicate, “and I’m me,” she points at herself, “and we have,” she sighs the most dramatic sigh possible, “a complicated past.”

Having reached the sink, Janis gives Regina an unimpressed look as she trades her cup for a glass of water.

“That’s true.” Janis pats Regina on the back before she guides her back to the party, Regina sipping her water obediently. “But we’re done with that now. We’ve moved on.”

“Have we?” Drunk Regina still possesses the grace to raise one delicate eyebrow. “Prove it.”

“How?”

“Come dance with me.”

Janis feels her heart rate increase. “Me. Dance with you.” She tries to laugh it off. “Regina, you know I can’t dance.”

Regina shrugs. “I don’t care.”

“You don’t care that everyone would see you dancing with me, Janis Sarkisian, space dyke?”

Regina shakes her head. “Not anymore. Dance with me.”

Janis hesitates. It’s like looking down over the cliffs edge, waiting to jump without knowing if she’ll fall or fly. And she can’t risk it. She knows what happened last time she tried.

“Not tonight. Another time, maybe.”

Regina closes her eyes for a second, lets the hurt flash across her face, then pastes on a fake smile. “I figured. Like I said.” She hands Janis the empty water glass. “Complicated past.”

Regina runs two fingers down a strand of Janis’s hair, looking into her eyes. Janis is mesmerised.

Before Janis can react, Regina leans forward and presses the lightest kiss to Janis’s cheek.

“Happy New Year, Janis.”

Then she steps back and turns away, going back into the crowd.

 

* * *

 

“Nope. No. It’s not happening.” Janis crosses her arms against her chest. “No way. When would I even need to wear a suit? I already have one from last year’s Spring Fling!”

“But what about this year!” Gretchen cajoles.

“Please Janis? Please? Pretty please??” Karen has a truly powerful puppy dog begging face.

Janis glares for a moment longer before breaking. “Ugh! Fine! Just..” She snatches the suit from the door while Karen and Cady cheer and high five. “I’m just trying it on!” She yells as she disappears into the stall.

Cady, Karen, and Gretchen have managed to corral Janis into shopping at the mall, an almost impossible task. Regina is at a physical therapy appointment, but Gretchen has been keeping her updated with snapchats of every outfit.

“Here. Are you happy?”

Janis steps out in a dark navy suit, though her expression suggests she’d be more comfortable in anything else, including a straightjacket.

The three girls squeal in unison.

“This is a peak butch look, Janis.” Cady says with enthusiasm.

Janis crosses her arms. “Have you been researching lgbt terminology again?”

“Regardless!” Gretchen takes out her phone to get some photos. “You look amazing, Janis.” She discreetly sends a photo to Regina but then squeals again, shoving her phone in Cady’s face, when the latest notification says “ _HBIC <3 took a screenshot _”.

“Regina says you should buy it!”

Janis blinks for a minute.

“Great. Fine, whatever, I’ll get it. Can we go now?” She spins back around and stomps into the changing stall, but not before they see the hint of a blush on her cheeks.

Cady and Gretchen exchange grins.

 

* * *

 

 

“We’ve got to stop meeting like this.” Regina’s voice comes from behind and startles Janis, again.

“Jesus Christ.” Janis spins around. “You need an early warning system.” She sets down her glass and curls her arms around her knees as she sits in the kitchen chair. “Why’re you up? Back pain?”

“No, wasn’t asleep.” Regina shrugs as she fills up a glass and sits down across from Janis. “And I heard you get up.”  

Janis is struck by the familiarity of the moment, the lack of awkwardness, how much things have changed in just seven months. Another sleepover, another late night meeting, but this time she actually feel comforted by Regina’s presence.

Regina breaks through her thoughts. “So, are you gonna tell me why you can’t sleep this time?”

Janis looks down at her glass. “Maybe later.”

Regina nods, accepting that. “What should we do, then?”

It does something to Janis’s heart, to hear Regina act like they used to, when they were so close Regina knew how to handle all of Janis’s moods. It makes her want to tell Regina what’s wrong, to pour all of her trust into this girl, to let herself care the way she used to. But Janis stops herself.

“We should probably just try to go back to bed before Cady wakes up and notices we’re missing.”

Regina’s expression sinks, just a little, but she nods.

They troop back up the stairs in companionable silence, their hands brushing. It so happens that Cady assigned Janis and Regina to share the blow up mattress at the foot of the couch, where Damian is sleeping. They crawl under the mound of blankets, both laying stiff, staring at the ceiling and trying to keep their breathing quiet.

Regina breaks first. She rolls onto her side.

“Janis?” Her whisper sounds very loud in the darkened room, even with Damian’s snoring.

Janis rolls over too, so she and Regina are facing each other, barely able to see the outline of Regina’s face in the dark. “Yeah?”

There’s a long pause. “Would you-” Another pause. “Should I... Nevermind.”

“Regina. What is it?”

Regina closes her eyes and mumbles it very quickly: “When you couldn’t sleep when we were kids, you liked to cuddle, doyouwanttodothatnow?”

An even longer silence.

Regina is opening her mouth to take it back- because she’s so _stupid_ , Janis avoids touching her like she has the _plague_ , and why would she even _ask_ her that, and now Janis will think she’s _weird_ and _obsessive_ and-

She feels Janis poke her shoulder.

“What?” Regina hisses, startled.

“Roll over, dumbass. I’m not going to be the little spoon.” Janis whispers into the dark.

They’re both blushing.

Regina, unable to think of a single word to say in this moment, rolls over in compliance, her back to where Janis’s voice is coming from, and then she only has a second to prepare herself before she feels the heat of Janis’s body as Janis cautiously slides against her, one arm settling ever so gently on Regina’s hip, the other sliding under the pillow. Regina fails to hide her gasp when she feels the slightest press of Janis’s hand on her stomach, and Janis immediately freezes and starts to pull back, so Regina does the only thing she can think of to stop her, which is to reach up and cover Janis’s hand with her own, keeping it tight against her.

There’s a few beats of Regina’s traitorously loud heart, and then Janis’s posture relaxes incrementally against her.

Regina shivers when she feels the ghost of Janis’s breath on the back of her neck. “Okay?”

“Okay.” She whispers back, like some stupid John Green character.

It’s not really like, “okay”, though, because now Regina is supposed to fall asleep, but how can she when her whole body feels electric, simultaneously hot and cold and hyper-sensitive to every spot where Janis’s body touches her own?

After as long as she can stand, Regina shifts, just a little, and in response Janis mumbles incoherently and presses closer still.

Regina grits her teeth. God, she really is an idiot. She did this to herself, and why can’t she just calm down, and be normal, and just relax, for fucks sake, it’s like-

“It’s okay, babe. Sleep now.” Janis’s voice is low and clearly half asleep, and yet Regina still feels the flush of color across her cheeks at the pet name.

Regina closes her eyes and tries to focus on Janis’s slow, even breaths, reminding herself that she’s not doing anything wrong, that Janis _chose_ to hold her, that she’s not a bad person for enjoying cuddling with her friend.

Janis mumbles again, not even words this time, and Regina smiles, pressing her face into the pillow. Everything is okay, she repeats to herself, like she often does, the words Janis had told her in the bathroom months ago. Everything is good. More than good, really, because the sensation of being held by Janis again feels incomprehensibly satisfying. Like being able to breathe after years of holding her breath. She lets herself melt against Janis, reveling in the feeling until she falls asleep.

 

The next morning, Cady only takes like, fifty photos of them, Regina curled around Janis (at some point in the night they’ve switched positions, because Janis secretly _is_ the little spoon), hands still tangled together, before she wakes them up.

 

* * *

 

It’s their last semester of Senior Year. With college applications already submitted, the senior class seems to have decided as a whole that they no longer give a fuck.

As such, Damian and Cady skip class and meet up with Gretchen and Karen during their fifth period, when they know Janis and Regina will be busy in class pretending they’re not looking at each other.

“Okay.” Gretchen starts talking the moment they walk in. “I know that as an oblivious lesbian myself, I can’t really judge-” Karen giggles, “-but they’re so obvious!!! How can they not know?!”

“I know!! When Regina saw Janis’s new haircut I thought she was going to take her against the wall right there.” Damian sighs.

“They’re forgiven each other, they’re into each other, what’s the issue?!” Cady laments.

“They’re scared.” Karen says patiently. “It makes sense. Regina is still coming to terms with being gay and Janis is afraid to accept she still cares about Regina after everything that’s happened.”

“Karen, that’s really insightful.”  

“I know.” Karen says with a smile and a flip of her hair.

“Does that mean we’re not going to meddle?” Gretchen looks infinitely disappointed at the thought.

“Gretchen, honey. Have you met me? We are absolutely going to meddle. Someone has to move them along or they’ll go on their first date when they’re ninety!!” Damian pulls out his binder of ideas with a flourish.

“Is it too much to ask for a year with no secret plans?” Cady asks.

Everyone ignores her question.

 

* * *

 

In the middle of February, Janis doesn’t come to class at all Monday, and isn’t there on Tuesday either. And Regina _knows_ something is wrong, because Janis isn’t answering texts either, not even in the group chat, and Damian is deliberately ignoring Regina, which means he knows something and doesn’t want to tell her.

She stakes out his locker after first period, but they make eye contact across the hall and he abruptly turns around and dashes back the other way, leaving Regina to growl in frustration and look for other sources.

Damian works fast, she’ll give him that. When Regina appears outside of Cady’s classroom, Damian has his arm around Cady and is whispering urgently to her. Regina sighs. Time to try somewhere else.

“This is actually the fourth time this year that she’s been out without a doctors note.” Gretchen shuts her locker with a click. Regina has long ago stopped questioning how Gretchen knows these things. “But I don’t know why. Have you asked Damian??”

Though Karen seems eager to help, her explanation, given in mostly emojis, is indecipherable to Regina. She thanks her and moves on.

Regina finally corners Cady after fifth period while Damian is stuck in the theater room.

Cady genuinely looks thrilled that Regina is asking her. “Oh Regina, it’s so nice that you’re worried about her!”

“I’m not _worried_ about her.” Regina snaps. “I’m just… wondering where the hell she is. We have English together and I don’t take notes.”

Cady nods her head up and down like a million times. “Rightttt, of course, of course. Whatever you say. Well, Janis would kill me if I said anything, so you should tell her you’re worried about her! I think she’d _love_ to know you care.”

Regina pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs for the hundredth time that day.

* 

When she slams her locker door shut after seventh period, Damian is waiting on the other side.

“Oh, of course. Now you’re here.”

“My, my, Ms. George… Has something upset you?”

Regina turns on her heel and starts walking the other way. “Don’t test me today, Hubbard. I will burn all your photo of George Whatever so fast you won’t even have time to pull the fire alarm.”

Damian flits along next to her, unphased. “Please. We know you’re all bite and no bark these days, honey.”

Regina stops abruptly and spins to give Damian her scariest glare.

“I know you won’t do anything to me.” Damian is so fucking smug. “Cause that would make Janis upset.”

“Do not assume for one second that you understand me or my motivations.” Regina points a threatening finger in his face, ready to begin a lengthy lecture to put Damian in his place.

He stops her. “Regina, Janis Sarkisian is my best friend, and I love her more than anyone else in the world, except maybe my mother, and I won’t waste my time with people who aren’t good to her, especially when she’s hurting. So if you admit you care about Janis, I’ll tell you where she is. Otherwise, move along.”

Regina looks up at the sky, as if to say “Why, God? Why me?”

There’s no answer from above.

“...........Fine.”

*

*

Regina flings open Janis’s bedroom door, letting it hit the wall with a slam.

Janis looks up, but she doesn’t seem surprised. “Damian would be proud of that entrance.” She drawls. “Did he send you?”

“Actually, he told me not to come.” Regina examines her nails and adds under her breath, “Although I think he knew that would just make me more likely to do it.”

Janis shrugs and goes back to her book.

Regina looks around awkwardly, then perches on the end of Janis’s bed. “You look like shit.” She informs Janis.

Janis gives her a half hearted eye roll. “You came all the way here to tell me that?”

“I came to see why you weren’t at school.”

“Since when have you given a fuck whether I’m in class or not?”

Regina shrugs. “I don’t. But Karen kept asking where you were.”

It’s a thinly veiled excuse.

“Well, here I am.” Janis gestures with the book she’s reading. “And everything is fine. So you can tell _Karen_ that I’ll be back tomorrow, probably. Thanks for stopping by.”

She really should know by now Regina George is not so easily dismissed.

“Bullshit. I know I’m full of myself, but even I can tell when someone is depressed, Janis.”

The brunette looks utterly unimpressed by this statement. “Okay? Good for you? Bye now.”

“I’m not just going to leave you here.” Regina echoes the same words Janis had said in the mall bathroom months ago.

Janis sighs heavily. “I really don’t care, Regina. I’m fine.” She picks her book back up.

It’s safe to say Regina is definitely out of her element.

She texts Damian:

_What the fuck should I do?!?_

Damian sends back four links to buzzfeed articles and a smattering of emojis, which tells Regina nothing except that he and Karen are hanging out again. She sighs as she clicks through a few of them and then turns to stare at the top of Janis’s head.

Janis lowers her book as she raises an eyebrow. “Can I help you?”

Regina huffs, frustrated. “Look, I’m not good at this, okay? I’m just like… worried about you, or whatever.  And I’m not trying to make you feel guilty for being sad, like I know this isn’t about me-“

Janis snorts at that and Regina rolls her eyes but continues, “So I just want you to know I’m here for you. Or whatever. If you need anything. Or I can go.”

Janis stares at Regina, an indecipherable look on her face, for so long that Regina starts to fidget, running her nails on the seam of the bedspread.

Finally, Janis looks down at her own hands. “I don’t really want to talk about it.”

Regina swallows the lump in her throat and nods, standing up and collecting her purse.

“But you can stay. If you want.”

“I don’t have to-”

“-I want you to stay.”

There’s a moment of hesitation, both of them staring at each other trying to determine if the other person is being genuine.

Then Regina tosses her bag back to the floor and flops back onto the bed. “God, you don’t have to beg. I guess I don’t have anything better to do.”

Janis rolls her eyes and bites back a grin while Regina continues. “So let me tell you everything you missed this week.”

*

*

An hour later, Janis startles awake. She’s slumped against Regina’s pristine, denim covered shoulder. The girl herself is scrolling through her phone with one hand, the other absentmindedly playing with the ends of Janis’s hair.

“Shit, sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” She rubs her eyes tiredly as she sits up, immediately feeling the loss of Regina’s warmth.

“It’s okay.” Regina’s voice is strangely soft. “Have you not been sleeping?”

Janis tenses. “I don’t know. Sometimes. I haven’t been taking my meds.”

Regina frowns. “Why not?”

“I don’t know. Just a hard week I guess.”

“Can you take them now?”

Janis looks at her suspiciously. “You’re not gonna like, demand I take them or something?”

“When have you ever done anything I _told_ you to do?” Regina says with a shrug.

“Fair point.” Janis stumbles off the bed and rummages in her drawer for her pills. She swallows them and looks around for a glass of water. “Want to go get something to eat? I don’t think we have anything to make for dinner here.”

Regina looks startled, like she was expecting Janis to kick her out. “We don’t have to go out. I can, like order pizza, or something.”

Janis is relieved. “Yeah, let's do that.”

“Vegetarian, no olives?”

Janis blinks. “You remember that?”

“It’s just pizza, Sarkisian. Let’s go watch Netflix.”

*

*

********************************************************

They end up in the living room, tucked under several blankets on the couch. Janis, normally one to avoid physical contact, tugs Regina to one end of the couch, next to her. It’s apparent that Janis is too sad to bother with her usual walls and self-protective layers. The tv is playing softly, a movie they’ve both already seen.

Janis is leaning again her shoulder, arms wrapped around Regina’s arm and playing errantly with her sleeve, when Regina speaks.

“You could text me, you know.”

Janis tilts her head so she can gives the blonde a questioning look.

“When you’re sad, I mean. Or you need someone to sit with you or whatever. I know you have Damian and Cady, but.” Regina shrugs. “I don’t know. Whatever.”

Normally one to tease Regina for her awkward attempts at being a nice person, Janis stiffens and sits up so they’re not touching.

“It’s not a big deal, Regina. It’ll be fine.”

“I know, I know it will be, I just…” Regina bunches her hands in the fabric of the blanket, frustrated at her inability to find the right words. “I want to be there for you. I know I’m not your favorite person or anything, but we’re friends again, right? And you’re there for me, when I have flashbacks and stuff.”

“It’s not the same thing, okay?”

“Why not?”

Janis hesitates. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It, um, matters to me.” Regina shifts so she can look Janis in the eyes. “You matter. To me, and like, to all our friends.”

Janis looks away, eyes damp. “That’s gay.”

Regina snorts. “You need better comebacks.”

There’s a long moment of silence, before Janis leans against Regina’s shoulder, so she can’t see her face. “You remember when you tried to get my jacket off after the whole thing with Danny Fitzgerald and I freaked out?”

“Yeah.” Regina lowers her voice, afraid if she speaks too loud, she’ll scare Janis away.

“I didn’t want you to see the scars.” Even now, Janis tugs on the sleeves of her sweatshirt, curling into herself. “When I left, freshman year. Do you know why?

“Art therapy?”

Janis nods and braces herself.

“Janis, you don’t have to-”

Janis mechanically pushes her sleeves up to expose two identical vertical scars along the length of both forearms.

Regina bites back her gasp. Janis rolls her sleeves back down, pulling them over her hands. “That’s why I left school. And then went to art therapy and all that. My mom found me and got me to the hospital

“Janis, I’m so-”

Janis is already shaking her head. “It’s not your fault. I mean, yeah, that happened, but the way everyone else acted afterwards, that was them, not you. And like, even when things are good, it’s still tough. Up here.” She taps her temple. “Anyway, sometimes it just gets bad again. Damian is used to it by now. And I don’t wanna like… upset you or Cady or anyone, really. It’s dumb”

“No, it isn’t. I want to be there for you.” Regina hesitates. Janis is being honest with her, so she can do the same, right? “You make me happy. I want to do the same for you. Or at least, help you feel less bad sometimes. Or something.”

Janis knows she’s supposed to keep her distance, but she’s so _sad_ , and she wants it all to go away, and most of all she just wants to be in Regina’s arms. She just wants to be held.

Regina makes a noise of distress as Janis turns and hides her face in Regina’s shoulder.

“It’s just so loud.” Janis whispers after another moment. “In my head. Even when things are good in real life. It’s bad in my head. I just want to stop thinking sometimes. I want it all to stop.” She cuts herself off with a quiet sob.

A lot of things could be said about Regina George, but that she is a good caretaker was not, yet, one of them. “Oh my god, are you crying? Holy shit, Janis, please don’t cry, oh fuck.”

Janis laughs wetly as she wipes her tears off from under her eyes with the palm of her hands. “Damn, you’re so bad at this. Like, could not be worse at comforting a person.”

Regina whines, like honest to god, _whines_. “Janis, I-“

“Shut up.” Janis mumbles, still half crying, half laughing, and then pushes Regina down, angling their bodies so Regina is holding Janis against the back of the couch. Regina feels her head rush at the sudden proximity, the heat. She wraps her arms around Janis tightly, as if she can protect Janis from the bad thoughts.

“I’m here. I’m here.” Regina mumbles into her ear as Janis clings to her, crying silently against Regina’s chest. And then, in the smallest, most vulnerable voice Regina has ever heard come from Janis, Janis asks,

“You won’t leave again?”

Regina’s breath catches. “No, I... No. I’ll be here.”

They lay like that until Janis’s tears subside, Regina rubbing little circles on Janis’s back in lieu of words.

“Thanks, ‘Gina.” Janis mumbles as she drifts off. “I’m glad we’re friends again. I missed you.”

Regina presses her lips to the top of Janis’s head to hide her soft smile.

*********************************************

When Mrs. Sarkisian returns home later that night, she finds her daughter and Regina George impossibly tangled up on the couch.

She shakes Regina awake gently, and the look of absolute terror on Regina’s face when she realizes the position she’s found them in is heartbreaking.

“It’s okay.” Mrs. Sarkisian whispers. “She hasn’t been sleeping.” She looks at her daughter, still in Regina’s arms. “You can stay. I just thought you’d be more comfortable in her room.”

Regina look unsure. “You don’t think she’d mind?” She whispers back.

“I think this is the most peaceful she’s slept in weeks.”

*

*

When she wakes up, it takes Regina exactly three seconds to realize where she is before she starts freaking out.

“Stop thinking so loud.” Janis groans, pulling a pillow over her head. “I’m trying to sleep.”

That breaks through Regina’s haze of panic. “It kinda sounds like you’re awake.”

“No, I’m not.”

Regina manages a grin at Janis’s raspy, sleep ridden voice. “Mhm. We’re going to be late for class. I need to go home and put on my makeup. I don’t wake up looking as perfect as I do at school, you know.”

Janis rolls over so she’s facing Regina but keeps her eyes scrunched closed. “Are you fishing for compliments right now? Really? I _just_ woke up.”

The urge to kiss Janis is so strong, Regina privately thinks she should be awarded a medal for the strength she uses to resist.

When Regina doesn’t respond because she’s busy resisting, Janis cracks one eye open. “Fine. You’re beautiful, you don’t need any makeup, etc. Can I go back to sleep now?”

Regina doesn’t intend to say anything, but can you really blame her? “God, you’re cute.”

Both of Janis’s eyes fly open at that. “What?”

“What?”

Janis studies her for a few seconds before dropping her head back onto the pillow. “It’s too early for you to be weird.” Her voice is muffled, and she sticks one hand out of the blankets to point towards the bathroom. “Go get ready or whatever.”

“I know people know we’re friends again and everything, but I think if I walk in wearing your tights, the school might collectively pass out.”

“Hate to be the one to tell you this, sweetheart, but they already think we’re sleeping together.” Janis grumbles as she burrows back under the covers.

Regina tsks. “I don’t care how good you are, I still wouldn’t wear your clothes after.”

Janis makes a strangled noise from her position under the blankets. “Oh my god. Go home already.”

Regina laughs but does as she told, collecting her stuff from the floor. She hesitates at the door. “...You’re coming to classes today, right?”

“I guess. If only because otherwise I’m afraid you’ll show up here and steal the covers again.”

Regina’s heart feels unfamiliarly full, and she struggles not to smile. Everything is so perfect in that moment, she can barely believe it.

“Hey, Regina?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for checking on me.”

“Of course. You know I lo- care about you.”

Janis smiles, but she makes sure the blankets cover her so Regina can’t see.

 

* * *

 

Two days later, Regina tracks down Damian after school.

“So, you’re telling me you’re fully aware that you’re in love with Janis, but you’re not going to do anything about it because 1) you think Janis doesn’t feel the same way, and 2) even if she did, you’re too afraid of hurting her again?”

“Yes.” Regina huffs. “I just said that. Why are you repeating it?”

“I’m summarizing.” Damian watches Regina pace around the room dramatically. “Why are all lesbians so dramatic? Just tell her how you feel!!”

“Absolutely not.” Regina snaps. “Do you have anything to say that isn’t stupid? Why do I even come to you for advice?”

“You never come to me for advice.”

“And this is why!”

Damian rolls his eyes. “Girl, this isn’t junior year. You and Janis are friends. You’re not a bitch anymo-” He looks her over and amends his statement, “You’re less of a bitch than you were. What’s the problem?”

“Ummmm, maybe the fact that I ruined her life?! She literally hated my guts? We caused the whole junior class to fist fight in the hall??! Any of that ringing a bell??”

“And? That was like, a whole year ago. Move on!”

Regina continues to pace circles around Damian, like a shark going for the kill. “Even if we didn’t have a sordid past, she’s obviously not interested in me. Which is ridiculous, cause like, look at me,” Regina gestures up and down her body, “but either way, I’m not saying shit, and neither are you. I mean it. If I even suspect that you’ve thought about telling one of our friends, or, god forbid, Janis, I will personally castrate you. And make it my life goal to get you blacklisted from Broadway. And-”

“Okay, I get it!” Damian holds up his hands to the frantic blonde. “I won’t tell a soul, I promise.”

*

*

Cady removes her hands from Gretchen’s mouth once she’s certain Gretchen isn’t going to scream.

“Regina is going to kill you.” Aaron says, wide eyed. “Like, she’s literally going to kill you.”

“No, she isn’t! Because none of you are going to tell her I told you, right? Right?!” Damian looks around the group.

Gretchen looks like keeping this from Regina will physically pain her.

“Why can’t we just tell them? Clearly they both like each other, what’s the problem?! This means we can go right to the happy ending where they’re together and there’s no more scheming!!” Cady is vibrating with excitement.

“Cady, we’re only on chapter three.” Karen says in a voice that implies this is obvious. “We have to go through a bunch of unnecessary angst before they get together. Duh.”

“What?”  
“We can’t just _tell_ them.” Gretchen explains. “They wouldn’t believe it anyway, and then they’ll just go out of their way to pretend they don’t care about each other. They’re stubborn like that.”

“That’s dumb.”

“This coming from the girl who almost failed math in order to talk to her boyfriend?”

Cady opens her mouth to retort, then closes it. “Yeah, that’s fair.”

“At least this means Regina is aware of her own feelings. That’s a step closer, isn’t it?” Aaron asks.

“Oh, g-d no.” Gretchen pulls out a complicated diagram. “This is Regina George we’re talking about. Now is when the self-sabotage starts.”

Damian puts his head in his hands. “Of course. Regina will sabotage things because she’s afraid and Janis will let it happen, because she’s afraid too. God, they’re a mess.

Karen sighs dreamily. “They’re perfect for each other.

 

* * *

 

The bell rings for lunch and Regina hurries up the hallway. She’s hoping to walk to lunch with Janis from her locker, ideally before one of their friends shows up and she can’t walk next to Janis and strategically brush hands with her while they walk.

Regina’s just turned the corner to the section of lockers where Janis should be, when she sees Courtney something talking to Janis. They’re standing way too close, in Regina’s opinion. Janis laughs at something the girl says, and Courtney reaches out and places her hand on Janis’s arm. Regina practically vibrates with the effort it takes to not step forward and rip Courtney’s hand away. Instead, she ducks back around the corner so she can hear the rest of the conversation.

“...yeah, that was great.” Janis agrees.

“I know, right? Anyway, listen Janis.. I’ve been wanting to ask you something.”

“Yeah?”

“I know dances aren’t really your thing, but I figured since Damian is going with Simon and all… do you want to go with me to Spring Fling this year?”

Regina flinches backward and then Cady is there.

“Hey Regina! Are you alright? You look like you’re not feeling well.”

“I…” Regina is distracted, trying to hear the rest of Janis’s conversation, but there’s more people in the hall now and she can’t get any closer without Janis or Courtney seeing her. “Come on.”

She tugs Cady around the corner just in time to see Courtney and Janis hugging, and Regina feels her stomach drop.

“Regina?” Cady calls after her, concerned, but Regina has to go, now, because she can’t stay here and see this.

Cady relays this strange behavior to Damian, who tells her that Gretchen told him that Janis was asked to Spring Fling, and together they realize what must have happened. Cady is dispatched to find Regina while Damian tracks down Janis.

By the time Cady finds her, it’s too late.

“What… What were you talking to Shane about?” Cady tries to ask casually, even though she’s out of breath from sprinting after Regina.

“Spring Fling.” Regina heads towards the cafeteria. “I realized I don’t have a date yet, so…”

Cady shakes her head at Damian when they arrive at their table. Damian sighs.

Janis sits down with her tray and everyone goes silent.

“What?” Janis pauses with a fry on route to her mouth. “Why is everyone looking at me?”

“Are you going to Spring Fling with Courtney Francis?!” Gretchen rushes out.

“How did you-” Janis sighs and puts down her food. “Right. No, I’m not. She asked me, but I said I wasn’t looking for a date right now. I said we could go as friends but,” she shrugs, looking uncomfortable, “I think she was kind of too upset. Anyway, why does it matter? Does everyone have dates already?”

She asks this question to everyone, but Janis is waiting for one specific answer.

When Cady, Damian, Gretchen, and Karen nod, she turns to the last group member.

“I’m… going with Shane.” Regina says uneasily, like she’s done something wrong.

It’s kind of heartbreaking, the way everyone just has to sit there and pretend they don’t see the shadow pass over Janis’s face at these words.

“Right.” Janis turns back to Gretchen and Karen after a moment. “Well if I need a date for pictures or whatever, Sonja asked me last week. I’ll see if she’s found someone else yet.”

She stands up, even though her tray is still full and she’s only been there for three minutes. “I’ll be in the art room if anyone needs me.”

Damian glares at Regina before rushing after his best friend.

“Regina….” Cady groans.

“What?”

Then Cady remembers she’s not supposed to know, which is sort of ridiculous since they’re so obvious about their affections but okay. “Uhh… I mean, why Shane? Are you still interested in him?”

“No, but…”

Gretchen slams her hands on the table, jolting all the lunch trays.

Regina looks over, startled at the noise. “What? What is everyone’s problem?”

Karen’s eyes dart back and forth between Regina and her girlfriend. “Ummm…. We’re just surprised you’re going with Shane! You and Janis both didn’t have dates, so I guess we kinda assumed you guys would go together?”

The look in Regina’s eyes could paralyze lesser beings. “Why would you _possibly_ assume that?”

“Ummm….” Karen looks at Cady for help.

“It’s just that..” Cady starts cautiously. “It seems like you and Janis have been really close lately, which is great! So we just… I mean, you know….. And so we thought…..”

Regina’s nails click on the table as she waits for Cady’s answer.

The three girls are saved when Christian Wiggins approaches to ask Cady to Spring Fling for like, the 3rd time.

Regina gives them suspicious looks for the rest of the day, but the topic doesn’t come up again.

*

*

“Our last Spring Fling…”

Janis tips her cup back and finishes her punch. “Don’t get sentimental on me now, bud. We still have a month of high school left!”

“And then we’ll be gone, Janis! Gone forever!” Damian grips the cheap tablecloth in despair.

“We’re going to college in the same city, dude. We’re literally sharing an apartment.”

They’re sitting at a table towards the back of the gym, watching Kevin try to wrestle the mic from the DJ and Principal Duvall. Simon has gone off to get Damian another drink and Sonja disappeared into the locker room with Grace Akinola like, twenty minutes ago. It’s nearing ten pm but the seniors show no sign of slowing down.

“Is it your turn or my turn to go hose off Cady and Aaron?” Janis asks offhand, while she pretends to look around the gym, bored, but is really scanning for Regina and her date. She finds Shane and Regina on the side of the dance floor, their arms around each other, and she feels sick.

 

“Can I just say something?” Shane asks.

They’re swaying to a slower song. Regina nods.

“I know we’re not that close but like… even I can see how you look at Sarkisian. Why aren’t you dancing with her?”

Regina feels the chill of fear at those words, and Shane must see it in her eyes, because he rushes to reassure her.

“Hey, it’s cool. It’s okay. Don’t freak. I’m not going to tell anyone or any shit like that.”

Regina reaches out and plays with Shane’s tie, just for something to do with her hands. “I know. It’s just… like my automatic reaction. Old habits die hard or whatever. It’s dumb, I know.”

“Nah. High school is a bitch. I get it. But we’re almost done. And you don’t want to have regrets, yeah?” He laughs at the look on Regina’s face. “What?”

“When did you get so wise?”

“I’ve been a genius this whole time, babe. It was just too dark in that costume for you to tell.”

Regina shakes her head, but she’s smiling. “You’re a good guy, Shane.”

He grins at her. “Yeah, I know that too. I’ve been saying!”

Regina rolls her eyes and shoves him back a little.

Shane pretends like it’s hard enough to make him stumble, laughing. “Stop stalling and go ask her to dance already.”

“Should I really?”

“Babe, you’re the hottest girl here. She’d be a fool to turn you down.”

Regina worries with her bracelets, still unsure, so Shane adds casually, “Also she’s been staring at us like, all night.”

Regina straightens up and resists turning around to check. “Has she really?”

Shane laughs again. “Yes. So go get your girl!”

*

*

Janis ducks out the side gym door. She figures she should give Damian and Simon some time to themselves and also, she’s going to throw up if she has to watch Regina smile at Shane or laugh with him or fucking put her hands on him or whatever else they’ve been doing all night.

She can’t believe she’s doing this to herself again. All upset over Regina fucking George.

Then the object of her thoughts appears.

“Hey.”

Regina joins Janis, leaning against the wall, her heels in one hand. From here the music is faint.

“Hey.”

Regina considers lapsing into silence, but she steels herself and puts her heels down, freeing her hands.  

She holds one out to Janis, who looks at it in confusion.

“Dance with me?” Regina’s voice is soft, and it’s the way her eyes shine when she looks at Janis that gives Janis the courage to step closer and wrap her arms around Regina’s waist.

Regina leads. “You remember in 6th grade when you swore you’d never go to a school dance?”

“Do you remember when you said you’d ask me every day until I came?” Janis retorts.

Regina chuckles. “Well, it worked, didn’t it?”

Janis rolls her eyes, but the fondness in the gesture is clear. “You do always get your way.”

“And don’t you forget it.” Regina steps back and very gently spins Janis in a circle. “You look beautiful tonight, by the way.”

Janis looks down at her feet to hide her blush. “You too. I mean, you always do, but.. You get it.”

“Yeah..” Regina knows she needs to stop looking at Janis’s lips, the hypnotizing slide of her tongue across her lower lip, but she can’t drag her eyes away.

They’re not really even dancing anymore, just rocking side to side, wrapped in each other’s arms.

She wants so badly, more than anything else she’s ever wanted, to lean forward and capture Janis’s lips with her own. Regina settles for stepping slightly closer and resting her head on Janis’s shoulder.

Regina and Janis stay outside for a long time, just the two of them tangled together, a quiet, perfect scene.

It is the last perfect moment they have together before everything blows up, but they don't know it at the time.

Would it have made it worse or better if they did? It's impossible to know. 

That night, Janis goes to sleep with the smell of Regina's perfume lingering on her cheek and when she dreams, she dreams of Regina in her arms again.   

* * *

 

Three weeks before the end of senior year, the group message lights up.

It’s a Friday night, and Cady is at Damian’s house with Janis, the three of them watching movies. Aaron is traveling for a soccer game this weekend, and the Plastics are at a party. Damian had considered going, but Janis agreed to watch Rocky Horror Picture Show if they stayed in, so there they were.

It’s a normal, quiet night, until the group message chimes.

It’s three paragraphs of absolutely illegible text from Karen.

Then Gretchen, with a translation.

 **[Gretchen]** _Regina just went upstairs with some girl from South Shore?!?_

And then, quick, but not quick enough, a second message.

 **[Gretchen]** _Don’t open the video._

In the same moment, different people from school all start sending them the same video.

Cady looks up first. “Janis, wait!”

Damian, with a screech, dives for Janis, who leaps off the couch to avoid him.

Fumbling with the phone, Janis opens the grainy, shaky, video before either of her friends can stop her. All three watch, Damian and Cady over Janis’s shoulder, as in the video, a dark haired girl pulls Regina close in the middle of the crowd and kisses her, hard, before tugging her by the hand through the masses of people and up some stairs, their intent clear. The people around them look shocked.

Damian drops his phone. “Holy….”

“Shit.” Cady finishes.

They both look at Janis, just as their phones light up with another message, sent to pretty much the entire senior class. It’s from Shane Oman.

 **[Shane]** _FYI, Regina is a lesbian. She said she didn’t know how to tell everyone so. Now you know._

 **[Shane]** _If you have anything bad to say about that, you can talk to me and I’ll make sure you can’t talk at all._

There’s three seconds of total silence in the basement before Janis bursts into cracked, hysterical laughter.

Cady and Damian share a look that says “Oh, god.”

“Damn, that’s perfect.” Janis sits back on the couch, eyes too wide to be believable. “She’s a dyke. After all that shit in eight grade…”

“Janis…”

Janis raises a hand to cut Cady off. “Nope. We’re not talking about this. No way.” Her voice is higher than usual and a little frantic. “Why would we need to talk about this? We really don’t. Regina George is a lesbian. That’s fine. I’m fine. It’s all fine.”

“That’s….. Not very convincing.” Damian says.

“Will you just put the movie back on?” Janis gestures to the remote. “Seriously. I don’t want to talk about it.”

Cady and Damian look at each other again.

Reluctantly, Cady picks up the remote and presses play.

Janis doesn’t speak for the rest of the night.

 

* * *

 

 

Janis may not admit it, but Damian knows she’s crushed over this news. So the next night, he drags her out to a party, and he gets her wasted.

In the long list of plans they’ve had, it may not be his best. But they can’t all be winners.  

Regina stays home that night. She’s dealing with the fallout of her very public coming out. For the most part, people have been supportive or silent, and she’s doing her best to ignore the rest.

So she’s not really paying attention when her phone rings.

“What’s up?” She answers, still scrolling through the comments on the youtube video from the party.

“Heyyyyy baby.”

Regina almost drops her phone. As it is, she pulls the phone away from her ear to check the caller.

“Janis?”

“That’s what they call me. And they allllllllways call me.”

“Janis, are you okay?”

“Am I okay?” Janis laughs until she wheezes. “I’ve never been better. I’ve never been better.”

“Mhm… So then why are you calling me?”

“Because I had an important question….. what’re you wearing?” Janis honest to god giggles after her question.

“Oh my god.” Regina laughs with her, pressing a hand to her cheeks to hide her blush, even though Janis can’t see her. “How much have you had to drink?”

“Toooooo much.” Janis sings. “Damian went off to hook up with Simon, so he left me watching the vodka.” She lowers her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “Regina, I drank so much vodka.”

“Yeah, I can tell, Jan.” The fondness leaks into Regina’s tone, but she figures she’s safe because clearly Janis isn’t going to remember any of this conversation. “Did you drive there? Are you okay?”

In the background, there’s a clattering as Janis stumbles her way outside. “I’m good, I’m so good. I’m having a great time… Be better if you were here though.” Janis mumbles as she drops onto the porch step.

Regina grins. “I can’t go to _every_ party, Janis. Got to keep them wanting, you know.”

“Riiiight.” Janis drawls. “Well, it’s worked on me.”

Regina really feels her heart skip. Out loud, she just says, “Wow, you’re really drunk, huh?”

“Yup. The world is very spinning. Spin-y?”

“You’re going to be so hungover tomorrow. Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Why do you care?” Janis’s voice shifts to accusatory very quickly. “Don’t you have other girls to take care of anyway?”

Regina frowns at the sudden turn in the conversation. “What?”

“I mean, one minute you’re at the dance with Shane, now you’re a lesbian, I just… Like what hell, Regina?!”

“Are you not okay with it?”

Janis splutters a laugh. “Of course- of course I’m okay with it.” Suddenly she’s too tired to fight. But she needs to know.

“Who was she?”

The question lands like a bomb.

Regina clears her throat, feels her chest burning.

“Just some girl. I couldn’t think of a better way to tell yo- everyone, so……”

“You could’ve told me.” Drunk Janis doesn’t mask the sadness in her voice. “You could’ve said something.”

“I tried. I- She-” Regina swallows hard. _She wasn’t you_ is what she wants to say. “She didn’t mean anything.”

Janis forces out a harsh chuckle. “That doesn’t make me feel better. Why would you pick her instead of-” She stops.

Regina presses the phone closer as if this will force the words out. God, she wishes she could see her. “Instead of who?”

Janis is silent for a long moment.

“I think I better go.”

Regina feels her eyes burn with the start of tears. “Okay.”

“Goodnight, Regina.”

“Night Jan. Get home safe.”

After Janis hangs up, Regina stays on the phone for a long time, listening to the static.

 

* * *

 

The more obvious it becomes, the further into her denial Janis seems to go, blatantly ignoring the signs. Regina gets more and more frantic as Janis pulls back.

“This is the worst thing I’ve ever seen.” Cady says during a study break. They’re watching Regina try to talk to Janis at her locker. “What is happening?”

Karen looks worried. “Guys, I think Janis is taking Regina’s coming out worse than we know. And I think Regina thought coming out would let Janis know that she’s interested. But instead the opposite happened.”

“I just don’t see what else we can do, unless we straight up tell Janis the truth.” Damian flips through his textbook with dismay.

“I mean, we graduate next week and still, nothing!” Gretchen puts her head down on the table. “We have to do _something_!! _I_ don’t see how this could get any worse.”

“Oh, honey. Why would you say that? You’ve jinxed it now.”  

*

*

Janis walks into the art room, takes one look at the scene before her, and turns to walk out.

“No, no, no, no.” Damian snags her by the arm before she can make a full retreat. “Come, sit down, stay awhile.”

“I don’t know what this is, but I don’t like it.”

The four friends are seated in a half circle around Janis’s station. More accurately, around Janis’s covered canvas, under which is Janis’s latest painting of Regina.

“We just want to talk to you.” Gretchen says in what she’s trying to make a soothing tone.

“Look, if this is about Regina being a lesbian, I’m fine with it!” Janis drops her backpack on the floor and rummages through a drawer so no one can see the look on her face. “Seriously guys. This isn’t necessary.”

They all share a look.

Karen was elected to bite the bullet.

She takes a deep breath and just says it. “We know you’re in love with Regina and we think you should tell her.”

That gets Janis’s attention. She looks up, slowly, and the room gets very cold and still.

“You’re kidding.”

“Janis, listen-”

“Cady, don’t.” Janis spins on her heel to glare at her, then turns to Damian. “What the hell is this?”

Damian looks like he wants to reach out for her, but he thinks better of it. “Janis, we’re all your friends. We all care about you. And this thing you and Regina are doing, dancing around each other, it’s tearing you guys up inside. I know you’re scared-”

“NO!” Janis raises her voice and they all flinch in surprise, because Janis never, ever yells at Damian. “You don’t know shit. You don’t. Because if you did, you’d know that Regina would never want me.”

“You’re wrong.” Gretchen says quietly.

Janis lets out a choked up laugh. “God, I can’t believe this….” She runs a frustrated hand through her hair. “Did you guys forget about eight grade? Remember when she outed me?! Remember that?!!”

Cady frowns, confused. “I thought you’ve forgiven her for that-”

“Forgiven her! Forgiven her??” Janis’s voice takes on a cruel, mocking quality. “I’ve forgiven her. But I haven’t forgotten, okay? I haven’t….”

Without warning, she knocks a mug of brushes off the counter, smashing it to pieces on the ground.

“She outed me because I told her I had a crush on her, okay? She was so fucking-” Janis chokes back a sob, “disgusted or whatever, it ruined our friendship, okay?”

“What?” Damian’s voice comes out as a shocked whisper.

“I never told you, I never told anyone.” Janis shakes her head, her voice flat. “She knew I liked her and she did it anyway. And I’ve forgiven her for that. We’re friends again, real friends. But that’s all we’ll ever be. I learned my lesson, okay? Liking Regina was the biggest mistake I ever made.”

Everyone tries to correct her at once.

“Janis, don’t say that-”

“She didn’t know she was gay yet, that doesn’t mean-”

“It’s different now, you can-”

“She literally likes-”

“Shut up!” Janis shouts, her chest heaving. “Shut UP. Stop. Just. Stop. I know you guys are trying to help. But this, it, me and Regina? It’ll never happen. She-” Janis grinds out the next words like she’s repeated them to herself one thousand times: “She doesn’t want me, okay? She never has.”

Her voices drops to a mumble. “She doesn’t want me.”

Then Janis picks up her backpack and flees the room before anyone can stop her.

 

* * *

 

The problem with finals is it allows Janis to avoid all of them. Her phone goes straight to voicemail on all of Damian’s calls, and there’s no talking allowed during their tests, so no one can approach her. When they meet after each final, she never shows up. Regina notices, of course, but no one has the heart to tell her what happened.

Fed up by the radio silence, Regina shows up at Janis’s house Thursday night.

Janis jumps up from the bed when Regina appears.

“What the fuck is going on?” Regina asks, shutting Janis’s door behind her.

So they’re going right to it, then.

“What do you mean?” Janis asks, voice forced casual, prolonging the inevitable.

Regina rolls her eyes, but softens her voice. “Come on, Janis. You’ve been avoiding me at school, you’re not answering my messages. I’m not an idiot.” Her mouth twists unhappily. “I just don’t know why you’re upset.”

Janis just tenses further at the gentleness in her voice. “Don’t- don’t do that. Don’t be nice to me.”

“Don’t be nice to you?” Regina raises her eyebrows. “What, do you miss junior year now? Are we back to being enemies??”

“No, I just.” Janis tightens her hands into fists, conflicted. “I need space. I need to think” Her face remains blank and unreadable to Regina.

“Just tell me what I did!” Regina doesn’t mean to revert to her Head Bitch voice, but it just happens when she’s upset, and the way Janis now looks at her, like she’s a stranger, upsets her. “I thought I’ve been better, I’ve really been trying, I mean, we’re friends again, I-”

“Why!” Janis throws her hands up in the air in frustration. “Why the hell does it matter so much to you that we’re friends again?!”

“You know why!” Regina bursts out.

A pause.

“You never told me, you know.” Janis changes tracks abruptly, her mind spinning. She stares at Regina like she’s seeing her for the first time. “You never told me why you did it.”

She doesn’t have to explain what “it” is. Regina’s face drains of color so fast, it would be comical if it was any other situation.

“That’s not... You know I’m sorry for what I did, but-”

“Yeah, I know you’re sorry. We’ve done the apologies already.” Janis steps closer, vibrating with emotion. “I want to know _why_.”

Regina just stares at Janis, biting her lip.

A long silence. There’s that unbearable feeling of the situation slipping out of their grasp, of the boulder rolling back down the hill and no way to stop it. After all the apologies, the fighting, the revenge- this is how it’s going to fall apart.  

The way this all ends is so inevitable; Janis can’t stand it.

“I thought I was falling in love with you.” Regina finally whispers. “and I was scared. I was afraid of what it meant for a girl to be in love with another girl.”

Janis looks at her in disbelief. “You have got to be fucking with me.”

Regina just stares back at her, the despair written in every line of her face.

“You-” Janis presses the palm of her hands in her eyes until it hurts. She wants everything to stop, wants to stop herself from saying the words even as she feels them leave her mouth. “I told you that I had a crush on you, and you felt the same way, so you outed me and humiliated me?!”

“It wasn’t like that.” Regina’s voice trembles. “It wasn’t just a crush for me.”

“Yes, it was!” Janis refuses to accept it. Four years, four years she spent telling herself Regina didn’t want her.

“Jesus Christ, we were kids! You weren’t in love with me, you just fucking… I don’t know.” Janis looks around, searching, as if the words will appear in front of her. “Do you know how much time I’ve spent, convincing myself you’ll never love me?! You can’t- You weren’t-”

“Yeah, I was. I know what love is.” Regina’s voice is firm, tired.

“We were thirteen _,_ Regina! Jesus Christ. How can you say that? How can you know it was love at _thirteen_? I mean-“

“Because!”

“Because WHAT?!” Janis’s voice has never been so cold, so empty, a thousand times worse than any scream or sob. “Because what, Regina?! How could you _possibly_ know that you were in love with me? Say it! Fucking say it!!”

“Because I still feel the same way!”

Just like that.

How long had Regina refused to admit it, how long had she hid the truth?

But she couldn’t hide anymore.

A deafening silence follows her words.

“You still...” Janis repeats, unable to finish.

“It was all to push you away.” Regina says quietly, her head ducked, delivering her words to the carpet. “I couldn’t- I just thought it would be easier. But I never stopped-” She pauses to collect herself. “Even just looking at you took my breath away. So I just,” she gives a helpless little shrug. “I made sure I’d never see you. I made sure you’d hate me. Hell, I hated me. But it didn’t work. The feelings never went away.” She chuckles, self-deprecating. “So I just fucked up everything for nothing.”

Janis snaps her mouth shut with an audible click. “Yeah. You did.”

Regina looks up, and she must see something in Janis’s eyes, some blaze of warning, because now she gets desperate, her words coming out fast and pleading. “Janis, listen. I didn’t know, the bullying, everything that happened after. I didn’t know what would happen. And when I apologized, I meant it. I swear to god, I never expect you to feel the same way again or for this to be anything more than friendship for you this time. I didn’t want anything from you except forgiveness, you have to know that. I’m _happy_ , I’m grateful that we’re friends again. It’s okay that you don’t feel the same way, it’s _fine_ -”

“Don’t. Don’t try to tell me how I feel. Don’t you know-” Janis shakes her head as if that will stop the tears. “You broke my fucking heart that day, Regina.” A shuddering inhale. “Why would this time be any different?”

Regina doesn’t wipe away the tears that are streaming down her own face. “Do you really think I haven’t changed? I’m not scared anymore, Jan, I-”.

“Get out of my house.” Janis’s voice is so utterly emotionless, it’s almost unrecognizable. It’s everything she’s ever wanted to hear, but it’s all wrong. Overwhelmed, Janis does the only thing she can do- she shuts down completely. She can’t stand here and listen to this. She can’t.

“Janis-”

“Please.” Janis sags against the bed, all the fight gone out of her. “Please just go.”

Regina clamps her jaw shut to hold back all the things she wants to scream, to convince Janis to let her stay.

Instead she stands up stiffly, grabbing her jacket from the back of the chair. She pauses in the doorway.

“I’m sorry, Jan. I’m sorry for lying and for hurting you and for all the drama. But I’m not sorry for loving you. I’ve never regretted that.”

Regina knows she needs to go before she breaks down, but she turns back one last time, eyes blurred with tears, because she realizes this is the last time she’ll have a chance to say it.

“I love you, Janis. I always have.”

Janis doesn’t say anything, and Regina walks herself out silently, waiting until she gets to her car before she breaks into sobs.

 

* * *

 

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry


	4. Part IV & Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The North Shore class of 2019 breathes a collective sigh of relief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well ladies… here we are.  
> I went to a whack high school and didn’t have anything else to work off of, so... sorry if their graduation ceremony seems weird? Thank you to Dublin High School Class of 2011 whose Commencement schedule I found online and used as a reference.  
> More notes at the end.

_It is all happening, here and now, the past is waiting for me, it has the blue colour of her eyes._

* * *

_ Friday _

 

It’s dark when Janis wakes up. 

The clock on her nightstand proclaims it’s 3:07 AM.

She rolls onto her back and stares blankly at the dark ceiling, watching the light from passing headlights move above her and disappear. She feels hollow and bare, like the gutted remains of a city after a tornado passes through. The despair weighs her down like a weight on her chest. 

Janis glances at her phone, which is dangling from the plug, and sees rows and rows of notifications that she knows she’s not going to read, just like she knows she’ll feel guilty about it when she’s no longer numb. For now, it’s fine. 

Regina’s voice is echoing in her head, the look of absolute heartbreak on her face flashing in Janis’s mind every time she closes her eyes. She hates it. She hates that all she wants right now is to call Regina and beg her to come back, to hold her, and she hates that now she knows Regina would, that Regina wants to hold her too. Because Janis also knows that it should make her happy, she knows that Regina loving her is what she’s craved for years, but now that her dream is within her grasp, she’s  _ terrified. _

The emotions she’s been holding back hit her all at once. She squeezes her eyes shut and starts counting her breaths as the panic swells up in her chest. 10, 9, 8, 7…. Janis recites until her breathing slows. The scenes flash behind her eyes like a movie montage: Regina apologizing after junior year Spring Fling, Regina smiling at her during a 7/11 run on hot day in July, Regina holding her hand while she cries, Regina on New Year’s Eve, Regina holding her outside of the dance, Regina’s laugh, Regina’s eyes, Regina….

God, was it really true? Could Regina really feel that way about her? Janis can’t believe it. After everything that’s happened between them, it feels almost too easy, too perfect. She cringes as she thinks of what she’d yelled at Regina the night before. She can’t bear to think she may have chased Regina away for good. 

After all, Janis knows what it feels like to lose her. It’s already happened before. 

She rolls out of bed and drops to her knees, reaching under the bed to pull out a shoe box, weathered with age. Brushing the dust off the lid, Janis hesitates, fingers poised to open it. She hasn’t looked at this since the summer after 8th grade. Her hand trembles. 

Then Janis shakes her head and shoves the box back before climbing into bed and pulling the covers over her head. She can’t. 

Not yet.

 

* * *

 

“Regina! Your friends are here!”

“I don’t want to see them, mom!” Regina shouts from beneath the pillow she’s covering her head with. 

“Too bad!” Damian trills as they file into her room. 

“Oh, good.” Regina mutters. “The gang’s all here. Just what I’m in the mood for.”  

“Regina, you’ll feel better if you get out of bed.” Gretchen sits on the edge of the bed while Karen crawls up next to Regina. 

“What makes you think I’m feeling bad?” Regina lifts her head to peer at her friends. “What are you even doing here?”  

There’s a long, guilty silence. 

“Okay, now before you get mad-” Cady holds up her hands as if to ward off the inevitable attack. “-Remember that we’re your friends and we only want what’s best for you! And that sometimes, even the best intentions can go awry. And also that-”

Regina lets her head fall back down. “Oh god. What did you do?”

Karen starts petting Regina’s hair gently while Damian takes a deep breath. “You know…” He starts, “Someday, we’re all going to laugh about this!” 

“Gretchen.” Regina commands. 

“We were worried you and Janis would never do anything about your feelings for each other so we tried to tell Janis that you liked her and that she should tell you how she feels and she freaked out and that’s why she’s been avoiding us and you.” Gretchen spews it out all in one long sentence and then they wait for Regina’s wrath. 

“Is that all?” Regina sits up, brushing her hair back and leaning on Karen’s shoulder. “I’m surprised you didn’t say anything to her sooner.”

When they look at her, confused, she explains: “Well, I haven’t exactly been subtle...” 

“True.” Damian murmurs, and she shoots him a glare. 

“..I just didn’t think she’d take it so badly.” 

“She just needs time to think!” Gretchen grasps at Regina’s hands to convey her belief in this statement. “She was really convinced that you would never like her after-”

“After 8th grade.” Regina finishes. “Yeah. She told me.” 

“What? When?!”

Regina looks up at the ceiling as if waiting for lightning to strike her down. “I went to talk to her last night.” 

Damian gasps. “What happened?” 

“Would I be mopeing in my bed with you people if anything good had happened?!” Regina snaps, then inhales. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to yell at you. It did not.. Go well.”

And then, to everyone’s horror, Regina George begins to tear up. 

Cady covers her mouth with one hand. “Oh no… oh no oh noohnoohno! Regina…”

Gretchen, who can count on one hand the number of times she’s seen Regina cry because the number is 0, looks like she’s about to burst into sympathy tears. 

Karen wraps her arms around Regina. “Don’t cry, Reggie. Whatever happened, it’ll be okay.” 

Regina dabs at her eyes with a tissue Gretchen provides, sniffling and looking upwards so as to not smear her makeup. “Ugh, stupid emotions. I miss being an uncaring bitch.” 

“Aw, but we like you so much more now.” Cady reaches over to join Karen in the hug. 

“And so does Janis.” Damian reminds her. 

“We’re really proud of the progress you’ve made.” Gretchen tells her gently. “Whatever happens, we’re here for you, Regina.” 

“God, can we talk about something else? Not everything is about me, you know.” Regina untangles herself from the hug and wanders to her closet while everyone else exchanges a look.

“Since when?”

Regina sticks her head out to give Damian a dry look. “Whatever. You guys can hang out here today, if you have nowhere else to go…” 

That’s the closest Regina will get to ask them to stay and comfort her and they all know it, so no one disagrees. They troop a pouting Regina down to the living room, wrap her in blankets and put on a series of chick flicks. 

When Cady gets stuck in the kitchen trying to stop Karen and Gretchen from burning the popcorn, Regina ends up confessing the previous night’s fight to Damian.

“...and then she asked me to leave, but I just… I couldn’t just leave. What if that was the last time I ever talk to her?” Regina looks at Damian imploringly. “So I told her…”

“Told her what?” 

Regina blinks rapidly to stop the tears from falling. “I told her… I..”

“Come on. You can say it.” 

Regina glares at him. “God… I said I love her, okay? I already told you that.” 

Damian throws his hands in the air in celebration. “Finally! She admits it to Janis herself!” 

Regina tosses a tissue at him, missing him by a wide margin. “Whatever. You don’t have to be smug. She’s never going to talk to me again, so it doesn’t really matter.”

“Aw, don’t say that.” Damian pats her gently on the head. “It’s gonna be okay, kid. She won’t be upset forever. She just needs to process.” 

“She shouldn't forgive me, anyway. All I do is hurt her. I was an idiot to think I could fix it.” Regina says miserably.

“Well, if it helps,  _ I’ll _ never forgive you.” 

Regina smacks him on the arm. “You’re terrible.”

“But not as bad as you were!” Damian says in a sing-songy voice. 

When Regina just sighs instead of firing back a retort, Damian takes pity on her and wraps his arm around her shoulders. 

“Hey, don’t worry. It’s Janis, she loves you. She’ll come around.”

Regina sniffs pitifully. “Do you really think so?”

Damian shrugs. “No. I have no idea what she’ll do. But for a second there, you felt better, right?” 

She pushes him off the couch.

 

* * *

_ Saturday _

 

Damian knows Janis just needs time to come to terms with everything, but what with graduation being tomorrow and all, there isn’t time to let her brood. 

So he breaks into Janis’s room. 

Well, Mrs. Sarkisian lets him in, but Janis had explicitly told him not to come over, so it was still sort of breaking in. 

Janis scowls at him over the top of her easel. “What are you doing here?” 

“We graduate in tomorrow, Janis Sarkisian, and I need someone to help me talk Cady out of her horrible outfit!” 

When Janis just scoffs and goes back to her painting, Damian sighs. 

“...And I’m worried about you, Jan. We all are.” 

_ Especially Regina _ goes unsaid. “And don’t just try to say you’ve been busy with finals.” 

“I’m fine!” Janis growls. 

“Really?” He raises an eyebrow. “Cause you’re wearing your depression jacket.” 

“No I’m not.” Janis mutters petulantly.

“Yeah you are, honey. I know because it used to be mine, but now you just wear it whenever you’re going to spend all day crying.” 

Janis glares at him and Damian raises his hands in a defensive gesture. “Hey, I’m all for a self care day. But you can’t lock yourself in your room forever.” 

“Watch me.” 

“Janis. Talk to me.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.” 

“Fine. Admit you were going to ask Regina to Spring Fling.” 

Janis chokes and turns away. “I wasn’t.” 

“You were.”

“Fuck off.” 

“And,” Damian continues, undaunted, “You went to every lacrosse game this year.  _ Lacrosse _ , Janis! You hate organized sports almost as much as you hate school dances.” 

“I am really going to kill Gretchen. How does she know everything? And why does she have to tell you?!”

“Janis.”

Janis huffs. “Whatever. Does it really matter?!”

“Yes Janis, it does! You’re in love with Regina George, okay? And she’s in love with you! So I’m not going to sit here and watch you ruin it because you think you don’t deserve happiness, or because your past is complicated, or whatever other bullshit reason you’ve come up with. Not today.”

“She  _ can’t _ be in love with me, Damian!” Janis’s eyes have that frantic look again. 

“Why not? Is that such a bad thing? We can all see she’s changed.” Damian asks gently. 

“Because- Because!” Janis splutters, jumping up from her stool and pacing around the room. “Because she’s Regina Fucking George, and I’m just-” her voice breaks in the middle of the sentence and she turns to Damian in despair. “I’m just me. Some stupid girl who had a crush on her best friend. And apparently she felt the same way but instead of telling me, she ruined my life. And frankly, maybe it was better that way!” 

“Oh, honey.” Damian takes Janis into his arms and hugs her to his chest. “Is that what this is all about? Are you afraid of the chance to be happy? It’s okay to be scared. But you’re not thirteen anymore. Things could be different this time.” 

“What if it’s not?” Janis asks in a small voice, muffled against Damian’s sleeve. “I can’t take it if she breaks my heart again.”

“She won’t. But even if it doesn’t work out, you have me. And our other friends. You won’t be alone.” He runs his hand along Janis’s back soothingly. “It’ll be okay, you’ll see.” 

“Do you really think she’s in love with me?”

“Yes. It’s disgusting. She told me herself.” Damian pitches his voice high and nasal: “‘Oh Damian, Janis is so pretty! Do you think she’ll ever forgive me? I just want to hold hands with her and make out behind the gym forever!!’ Horrible, really.” 

Janis slaps him on the arm. “She didn’t say that... Did she?”

“I’m paraphrasing. She was much more graphic. It offended my delicate sensibilities.” 

“I didn’t know you had any sensibilities left.” 

“Well, I don’t after that conversation.” 

Janis lifts her head so she can look her best friend in the eye. 

“Am I making a mistake? Trusting her again?” She asks after a quiet moment. 

“If you asked me that question a year ago, I’d say yes. But now…” Damian brushes the hair from Janis’s forehead. “I think it would be a mistake to end things like this. Not to be  _ too _ gay, but someone who makes you feel so much.. You probably should keep her around.” 

“She makes me really happy.” Janis admits quietly. “You know, when she’s not making me want to murder her.” 

“Ah, young love.” 

She snorts. 

They lay back on the bed together, Janis curled up in Damian’s protective arms. 

“Can you believe we’re almost done with high school?” 

“You mean, can I believe we made it through all four years? Barely.” 

“But we did.” Damian reminds her. “Despite all the drama. And when we get the hell out of this town, we shouldn’t have any regrets. Do you know what I mean?” 

Janis sighs. “Yeah…”

“So you know what you’re gonna do, right?”

“....Yeah.” 

“Good. Cause the Janis Sarkisian who survived four years in this hellhole deserves happiness.” 

Janis tightens her grip on her best friend. “I already have you though...” 

“Oh, you’re never getting rid of me, sweetie. That’s a promise. But you know that’s not who I mean.” 

Janis presses her smile into Damian’s shoulder. “I know. Can we just lay here for awhile?” 

“Of course.” 

Damian and Janis spend the rest of the afternoon together. 

It’s their last afternoon as high schoolers.

 

* * *

_ Sunday _

 

They graduate today. 

Janis wakes up before her alarm, the light of dawn making its way through her curtains. She lets her mom do her hair and help her pick out jewelry to go with the suit she’s wearing under her gown. She takes pictures with her grandparents and Damian (who stops by on his way to the pre party at Gretchen’s house- Janis had insisted he go). She does all of this, but her mind is focused on something else. The sadness of the weekend is behind her now, replaced by a steadiness she didn’t think she possessed. 

“Are you ready?” Her mom asks her as she loads her gown into the car. 

“Actually…” Janis hesitates. “Give me a minute, okay?” 

She jogs back in the house, her heart pounding in her ears. She pushes open her bedroom door and again drops to her knees in front of her bed. Janis slides out the shoebox and, before she can change her mind, lifts up the lid. 

It’s full of pieces of Janis and Regina’s friendship. The bracelets they made at summer camp, a piece of the vase they accidentally shattered while teaching Kylie how to play tag, a wilted flower crown, faded tickets from the first PG-13 movie they snuck into- Janis hadn’t been able to throw it all away, no matter how much she insisted she hated Regina for all these years. 

Janis sifts through the items, looking for something specific: an envelope full of developed photos. She thumbs through the memories captured on film, the sepia-toned frames capturing years of friendship, until she reaches it: her own copy of the photo Regina had in her locker this year. 

Janis stares down at the two smiling faces, the picture capturing a moment of that pure joy that only Regina was able to make her feel. Her heart aches. From this photo, she looks up to the art collage above her desk, made of photos from this past year, her gaze going straight to her favorite shot- two shots, really- taken during a rare moment of peace in the yard after school, when Gretchen had been convinced she needed to capture every moment of their last months of high school. 

In the first, Janis is sitting propped against a tree, a sketchbook in one hand, but she’s looking up, distracted and glaring at the camera. Regina is laying in the grass, her head resting on Janis’s thighs, and she’s not looking at the camera. She’s gazing up at Janis, a hint of a smile playing at her lips. The second photo is the same scene, but a few seconds later- Janis is looking down at Regina now, and the genuine, uninhibited smile on her face matches the one on the old photograph currently in Janis’s hands. 

Janis sniffs and rubs at her eyes before she flips over the weathered image to find what she already knows is written there. 

“Regina & Janis 4ever” is scrawled on the back in Janis’s young handwriting, the words surrounded by a big pink heart, ten year old Regina’s specialty. Janis turns the photo back over and stares at their smiling faces, a bright, innocent Janis staring right back at her. 

She knows what she’s going to do.

 

* * *

 

They graduate today.

Regina wakes up before her alarm, hit immediately with the persistent ache in her chest that hasn’t left her alone since Thursday’s confrontation. She gets ready mechanically, letting Sabrina help her with her makeup while Kylie picks out her jewelry. Every molecule of her being feels Janis’s absence like a wound. For Regina, it’s always felt wrong, even during the years they weren’t speaking, to celebrate a big life event without Janis Sarkisian. 

She goes to the pre-graduation party, of course. She may be heartbroken, but she’s still Regina George. She hugs her friends and makes fun of Damian and fixes Cady’s hair. But her heart isn’t into it. 

“We’re here for you, Regina.” Gretchen says as she passes her a glass of already spiked punch. “No matter what happens today.” 

“Thanks, Gretch. I just… don’t want to talk about it.” Regina forces a smile. “We’re graduating today! It’s a big day for all of us. Let’s focus on that instead of me, mhkay?” 

It may be the most un-Regina George sentence she’s ever uttered. No one comments on it. They pile into Damian’s mom’s van and head to campus. The students are feeling a strange mix of nostalgia and excitement, the joy of finally being done with high school, but the sorrow of goodbyes. And beneath that, an undercurrent of apprehension as this final act comes to a close. 

Regina has one thought as she enters the school building for the last time. 

Whatever happens today, at least it will be over.

 

* * *

 

There’s a palpable tension in the air. Maybe it’s just the six of them that feel it, but maybe the North Shore class of 2019 has been the audience to this whole thing from the beginning and so they can sense the impending culmination the way dogs can sense earthquakes. Then again, maybe it’s just the six of them.

The soon-to-be-graduates are divided up by last name. 

Damian and Cady huddle together in the H room. 

Damian grips Cady’s hands with his own. “I’m shaking. I’ve never been more nervous. Not even during the season seven finale of American Idol. Oh my god. What’s going to happen?!” 

“This is worse than the burn book day. Damian, what have we done?! Did we ruin their friendship forever?!?” Cady looks a little crazed. “Did we ruin their lives? Are we the real life ruiners, Damian? Are they ever going to talk again?” 

“Could you two like… panic quieter?” Rachel Hamilton asks from two rows over. 

“Could you like… mind your business?” Damian snaps back without looking. Then to Cady: “They have to work it out, right? Janis told me she knew what she was going to do. But what does that mean?!” 

“It really was too much to hope for, a year without drama...” Cady puts her head down on the desk with a thud. “Oh my god. They have to work it out!! We all know they’re supposed to be together!” 

“Rejanis is endgame…” Damian mumbles to himself. 

Rachel Hamilton shushes them both.

*

In the W/X/Y/Z room, Gretchen paces back and forth, her hands trembling so fast, they’re a blur. “Deep breaths. Deep breaths.” She mumbles to herself. “They’re going to work it out. It’ll all be fine.” 

*

Karen comes up to Janis in the S room with a smile. “Hi, Janis! Heart eyes emoji!”

Janis looks up from her lap. “Hey, Karen. You excited?” 

“Of course! I didn’t think they were gonna let me get a diploma because I failed Home Ec but it all worked out!” 

“I’m glad.” Janis toys with the tassel on the end of her graduation cap. “....How’s everyone been?” 

“Regina has been sad face emoji.”

Janis’s face falls. 

“But I know you’re going to make her happy face emoji, blushing emoji, so it’s okay.” 

Janis raises an eyebrow. “You’re sure about that, huh?”

Karen nods confidently. “You always make Regina happy, just like she makes you happy. I know it’s all going to work out.” 

“You couldn’t have told me that before all the drama occurred?” 

“It had to happen like this Janis, duh!” Karen fixes Janis’s cap. “Trust me, I know these things. It’s my fifth sense.” 

Janis nods, a hint of a smile on her face. “Well, I can’t argue with that.” 

*

In the G room, everyone takes one look at the expression on Regina’s face and gives her a wide berth. She is silent. There’s nothing left to do but wait.

 

* * *

 

The procession music starts.

The North Shore class of 2019 files into the gym, golden graduation gowns gleaming under the fluorescent lights. The band plays an off-key version of the Star Spangled Banner before the Vice President leads them in the pledge of allegiance. Duvall takes the stage to give his opening remarks and everyone tunes him out. 

On the floor, in the rows of students, Damian twists in his seat as he tries valiantly to find Janis or Regina. 

Kevin Gnapoor grabs the mic to give his valedictorian speech. 

The tension in the room builds as the ceremony goes on. When Regina is handed her diploma, she looks out at the crowds and tries to pretend she’s not looking for one particular face. Watching Janis cross the stage, it feels like Regina can breathe for the first time since Thursday. But it hurts, too, to see her and be unable to reach out, or say anything at all. The pull that Regina always feels between herself and Janis makes her hands shake with the effort it takes her to do nothing. But she’s said everything she can say- it’s up to Janis now. 

There’s a crackle of anticipation in the air as the ceremony comes to an end. 

Duvall counts down from ten, the class of 2019 moves their tassels from right to left, and just like that, they’ve graduated. 

“I present to you: The 2019 North Shore Graduates!” 

A cheer echoes in the gym.

The music starts up again, and they’re supposed to proceed in orderly lines back out of the gym, but something’s gone wrong, because instead, the new high school graduates are murmuring among themselves as a lone figure weaves through the crowd of students. 

“Oh shit.” Damian whispers, one second before it happens. 

“ **REGINA GEORGE**.”

Regina whirls around at the sound of Janis’s voice echoing across the gym, and though the parents, guests, and teachers have no idea what’s happening, all the students freeze at this pivotal moment. 

“Janis.” Regina replies, breathless.

Janis moves across the gym with a determined expression on her face as she speaks, the graduates scrambling to get out of her way.“We’ve spent four years at this high school and most of that time, we spent fighting. We were best friends, then you ruined my life, then I ruined your life. The whole junior class got into a fight because of our antics. You got hit by a bus. You apologized, I apologized, there were so many apologies. Oh my god, so many apologies. We became friends again. And now it’s all over. We’re done. High school is done.”

“And?” Regina’s voice trembles as she walks towards Janis. The crowd of students around them is stock still, everyone holding their breath. The Queen of Beasts, at the mercy of the Space Dyke. Isn’t it funny, the way things work out?

“And,” Janis takes off her hideous graduation cap, tossing it to Damian on her left as she strides forward. “I think it’s time I admit it: you were right. I’m like, obsessed with you or something. Actually, it’s worse than that-” 

Janis and Regina reach the center of the gym at the same time. 

“-I’m in love with you, Regina George.” 

And then Janis grabs Regina by the collar of her hideous graduation gown and, in front of everyone, pulls her into a deep kiss. 

Gretchen promptly faints into Karen’s arms. 

Damian screeches at the top of his lungs. 

On the stage, Duvall and Norbury are trying to direct the mass of graduates to go outside for photographs, but no one is paying them any attention, because after four years of conflict,  _ Janis Sarkisian is  _ _ kissing _ _ Regina George _ in the middle of the gym. 

Regina grips at the loose fabric of the yellow gown around Janis’s hips and kisses her back with everything she has; every missed moment, every failed opportunity, every time she wanted to tell Janis how she felt but didn’t, she pours it all into this kiss. Janis matches her enthusiasm, sliding her hands up and into Regina’s hair, kissing her with the passion of someone who has waited years for this exact moment. Regina isn’t even worried about her hair getting messed up, because she’s busy _ kissing Janis in the middle of the gym _ . It’s unstoppable force meets immovable object; the culmination of four years of drama, crashing together in the center of the room, everything sliding into place, into how things are supposed to be. 

Duvall is blowing repeatedly into his whistle while Norbury yells directions, but neither Janis nor Regina hears them, lost in their own little world. Janis feels  _ whole _ , like the cracks in her heart that appeared that day in 8th grade have finally healed. Like all the shit that happened to her was bearable, because at least it lead to this. To her. 

Regina pulls back slightly, tears in her eyes. “I love you. I’m sorry it took so long for me to tell you.” 

God, Janis can’t stop smiling. “I love you, too. I love you so much.” She kisses her again, and again. She never wants to stop. 

The North Shore Class of 2019 breathes a collective sigh of relief. 

“Finally.” Sonja Acquino mutters to no one in particular. “I can’t believe we had to watch those lesbian disasters try to flirt for four fucking years.” 

Janis flips her off without breaking the kiss.

 

* * *

* * *

EPILOGUE

 

She’s late.

Janis jogs up the subway steps, emerging into a cold New York night, her breath forming clouds of smoke as she makes her way down the sidewalk. They’re all meeting at their favorite bar by Damian’s apartment tonight, a chance for all of them to be introduced to Damian’s newest boyfriend. Janis would prefer not to be in Midtown at all, of course, but with Damian on Broadway six days a week, it’s easiest for him to live up here- plus, from his place, it’s only a 15 minute ride on the A train to their apartment in the West Village. Gretchen and Karen live on the Upper West Side, so it’s a longer trip for them, but Gretchen would never go on the subway so Janis is sure they took a car. Cady and Aaron live the farthest away, making the monthly trek down from MIT, where Cady teaches, to join them tonight. 

Anyway, a meeting with a new gallery client ran long and now Janis is late. 

There’s a figure waiting outside the bar.  

“Finally. I thought I was going to freeze to death before you got here.” 

Janis raises an eyebrow as she approaches the entrance. “You could’ve gone inside, you know.” 

Regina pouts a little. “I wanted to get you before everyone else in there steals your attention. I haven’t seen you all day.” She pulls Janis in by her coat as soon as she’s close enough, kissing her firmly. 

It’s been six years since their first kiss, and yet each time, Janis melts all over again. She feels the tension leak out of her shoulders as she presses closer to Regina, letting herself be overwhelmed by the kiss, by the sight and scent and feel of her girlfriend. They’ve both gotten better at expressing their emotions, thank god, but there’s just something pure and cathartic about kissing her girlfriend after a long day and being able to feel that Regina missed her as much as Janis missed Regina. She loves the way their bodies fit together, the way Regina holds her with such care, the soft feeling of Regina’s lips against her own. 

Janis tugs her girlfriend as close as possible and deepens the kiss. J ust when she feels like she’s going to scream if Regina doesn’t touch her soon and is about to suggest they forget their friends and go back to their apartment, Regina pulls back, releasing Janis’s lower lip with a soft pop. Janis exhales slow, her head dizzy as she tries to catch her breath. 

“We better go inside. Our friends are waiting and you’ve already made us late.” Regina says with a smug smile, and Janis frowns as she comes back down from the high.

“What? No. Come back here and kiss me again!” She grabs for Regina’s hand but Regina dances out of her reach with a laugh and starts inside the restaurant. 

“Come on, Sarkisian. We’ll have plenty of time for that later.” 

“You’re a mean girl, Regina George. Has anyone ever told you that? A mean girl!” Janis calls as she trails after her girlfriend, wiping the lipstick off her face and trying to calm herself down. 

“It’s about time!” Damian greets them as they reach their table in the back. “I was about to send a waiter to hose you two down.” 

“We weren’t-“

“We were.” 

Janis sighs and Regina shrugs. “What? We were!”

Everyone gets up to hug each other, even though they see each other once a week, at least. Karen is already starting to show and Cady can’t stop cooing over it. She’s going to have to fight Regina for who gets to be Godmother. Gretchen and Janis grasp each other’s hands in solidarity. They’ve become a lot closer over the years, the two introverts in a group of extroverts. Aaron and Regina hug, any past animosity long forgotten. When all the greetings and introductions are done, they settle in the booth, Janis tucked under Regina’s arm. Damian has the group entranced with a story that Janis has, of course, already been told the moment it happened, so she’s content to lean against her girlfriend and take a moment to catch her breath.

The room is warm and bright and the table is surrounded by people Janis loves. Looking at her friends, it's a scenario Janis never could have predicted. She has good job, one that lets her visit Regina's office uptown during lunches, and an apartment where Regina has finally learned how to do the dishes. The struggles of high school are so far away, they're just a bad memory now. 

One hand intertwined with Regina’s, Janis reaches down with her free hand and lets the tips of her fingers brush the velvet box in her pocket. She’s been carrying it with her so that Regina doesn’t come across it in the apartment. She’s had the ring for a while now, actually, but Janis thinks Regina George deserves the perfect proposal, so she’s still in the planning stages. Logically, she knows Regina will say yes no matter how she asks, but she wants it to be special.  

She tunes back in as Damian’s boyfriend leans across the table to face Janis and Regina with a smile. 

“So Damian tells me how you guys started dating is quite the tale….?” 

Regina smirks a little, squeezing Janis’s hand under the table. “It’s sort of a long story. We were childhood friends and.. then we went to high school together.” 

The boyfriend looks back at Damian, confused. “That doesn’t seem long or complicated?”

Everyone else at the tables laughs in anticipation. 

Janis grins, sharp, and leans forward. “Well, you see, there was this group of girls at our high school,”

Damian jumps in. “And we called these girls The Plastics-”

It’s funny to them now, to reminisce about it and all the drama they went through, the group’s voices rise with laughter as each of them excitedly shouts over the others to explain their parts of the story. Karen needs to demonstrate exactly how they danced, and they all have to goad Regina into singing Rockin' Around the Pole. Gretchen draws out a complicated diagram on the back of a napkin to explain to Damian's boyfriend everything that happened junior year, and then senior year. Cady hides her face in Aaron's shoulder as Damian blurts out the more embarrassing details. 

But how they got there isn’t really important, in the end. While their friends exaggerate the details, Janis glances at Regina and sees her already gazing back at Janis with that soft adoration in her eyes, even after all these years, and Janis knows this story could’ve only ever ended one way- with her and Regina together. It’s just like the ten year old versions of themselves predicted, the one conclusion that teenage Janis didn’t think she'd ever get. 

It’s a happiness she can't believe she's lucky enough to have. 

 At that thought, Janis leans over and kisses her girlfriend.

“I love you.” Regina whispers, and Janis believes her. 

“I love you, too.” Janis replies easily, because she does love Regina, more than she ever thought possible, and so she kisses her girlfriend again, just because she can.

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven’t finished writing a multi chapter fic in three years…. Rejanis really got me good, I guess.  
> Hope y’all enjoyed. Honestly you should probably thank Abby and Tara for this cause otherwise I never would've finished it.  
> Let me know what you thought, I guess, unless you didn't like it, and then I don't wanna know.  
> I am sad this is over. Hopefully will post my next one soon. .  
> No matter what, let's remember...  
> Rejanis fucks.

**Author's Note:**

> title is from "Fourth of July", by Fall Out Boy i really spent ages trying to pick a good title i'm sorry  
> find me at [likeapartywithrevenge.tumblr.com](https://www.likeapartywithrevenge.tumblr.com)


End file.
